Anti George Bush political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Thursday, February 19, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

I’m on a roller coaster! First you said you were going to create 2.6 million jobs this year, but now you say you’re “not a statistician” and you’re “not in charge of the numbers.” Oh well, I can relate. I’m not a good numbers person either. Numbers don’t matter--people matter! So what if you’ve lost 2.8 million jobs since 2001? It’s just a number.

Remember when you said, "Forty workers here, five workers there, uh-h-h... begin to add up.” I’m not a statistician, but forty workers here and five workers there adds up to forty five workers. Good start! You only have 2,599,955 workers to go!

Everybody’s whining about the 5 billion dollar deficit. How many of them even know what 5 billion dollars is? I sure can’t count that high! That’s probably why you didn’t add the 5 billion dollar cost of the Iraq war into the budget--too high to count. I’m not sure, but I think this is what 10 billion looks like:

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

I know you’re not a numbers person, but how many Americans have died in Iraq now? I know it’s well over 500 (five hundred). How many do you think will die before the election? As long as it’s less than 2.6 million, we’re probably ok. I heard over 100,000 Iraqi civilians have died (a hundred thousand). Collateral damage.

The most important number is 150 million. I know you know that number! That’s how much money you’ll have to spend on TV ads so everybody will know that John Kerry is a flip-flopping Massachussets liberal who, when he wasn’t sitting three rows in back of Jane Fonda at a Grateful Dead concert was shaking hands with Michael Dukakis and voting to turn over our country to the Russians or the terrorists or whoever else wanted it! Actually, I think you’ll have more than 150 million to spend, but who’s counting? (150,000,000)

By the way, how was dinner with your buddies at Bern’s Steakhouse after the Daytona 500 (five-hundred)? I heard you had a $60 (sixty dollar) steak and $92 (ninety-two dollar) caviar and a $10,000 (ten thousand dollar) bottle of wine. And I thought the Democrats were big spenders! I guess if you were in charge of the numbers, you might have eaten somewhere cheaper.

256 (two-hundred fifty-six) days til elections!
Carl Estrada

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