Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Friday, November 07, 2003
J.W. Popp
Ford Motor Company
Manager, Consumer Innovation Office
P.O. Box 6234
Dearborn, MI 48121-6234

Dear Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Popp,

Ok, ok--I know your attorneys make you write letters turning down unsolicited ideas. It’s perfectly understandable--you have to do it! Otherwise, any idiot could send you some half-baked idea and then sue if you manufactured a product that resembled it.

But let’s face it--when you turned down my ideas for the Ford Norton SUV and the Ford Humsfeld, it just proved what everybody knows: Our corporate leaders have no vision! Look at Harry Potter--J.K. Rowling sent her first manuscript to hundreds of publishers and didn’t get a nibble! No vision! Now kids are reading Harry Potter til they get a headache!

The trouble with the Ford Norton and the Ford Humsfeld is you don’t have the luxury of time! What if, God forbid, our President gets voted out of office next year? Or what if there really is such a thing as global warming and the earth gets washed away by a tidal wave? Or what if we get stuck in a “long hard slog” in Iraq and people start thinking we’re in a “quagmire?” Then you can stack up all your Ford Nortons and Humsfelds in one big heap, and the whole pile won’t be worth the price of an Edsel! THINK BIG, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Popp! Strike while the iron is hot!

But I guess I have to admit that the Ford Norton SUV and the Ford Humsfeld do smack of crass commercialism. And I understand you might not want to take a chance on them if they’re only going to be a one-year phenomenon. But here’s an idea you absolutely cannot pass up:

THE FORD BUSHMOBILE!!!

It will look like the PopeMobile except the big bulletproof glass bubble will rest on top of a tank. It will roll on crawlers so it can navigate any terrain. On top of the bubble, put a 76 mm antitank gun on a turret so our president can shoot down the evildoers--he likes that kind of thing. On the front, have a big sign that says, “Bring ‘em on!” On the sides say, “You’re with us or you’re against us,” and on the back say, “We’re makin’ progress.” On the gun you can say, “Shock and Awe!” Do you think you should have hundreds of little American flags, a few giant ones, or a combination of both?

It’s your company’s patriotic duty to build this vehicle! Right now, when our president goes out, he gets whisked away in a sea of black limos with blacked out windows and lots of nervous, nondescript white guys in dark suits and sunglasses running all over the place. With the Ford BushMobile, we will finally get to see our president when he’s travelling to his Republican fundraisers! Think of all the millions of happy Catholics who have gotten to see the Pope as he rode the streets in safety! Don’t you think we American citizens have the right to see our President of the United States ride in style, too?

One more small thing--my wife and I always have a problem with trash in our car. There’s never a convenient place to hang the garbage bag. We always end up with trash on the floor and seats because we can’t find a place to put it. I suggest that the Ford BushMobile have a built in garbage storage unit within reach of the driver. That way our President won’t have gum wrappers and used napkins and empty Snapple bottles lying all over the place. If he likes it, you could make it a feature in all your cars.

Don’t worry about paying me or giving me a complimentary BushMobile or even giving me credit for the idea! This one’s on me! I’m just happy to do my part as a Patriot to support Ford Motor Company and support our President!

I wonder if you should make the BushMobile a hybrid?

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

Back