Wednesday, October 15, 2003
c/o National Book Network
4501 Forbes Blvd.,
Lanham, MD 20706
Dear Ms. Coulter,
Is it ok if I call you “Ms?” Or is that too feminist? Is “Miss” better? Or just plain “Ann?” I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot with you. You’re the last person I would want mad at me!
I think I’ve got something figured out--feel free to tell me if I’m off base. You know how you are always saying stuff like the liberals are “spreading anarchy and polymorphous perversity”? (I’m not sure what that means, but I have a feeling it’s not good.) And I read where you said the liberals “hate America as much as the terrorists” and are “out to destroy the country.” And then Al Franken outed you for all those lies you told in your book (he said it, not me--I just think maybe you exaggerated the truth).
Ok--here’s my theory: You’re part of the Rush Limbaugh Drug Ring! That’s the only thing that makes sense! It all came together for me like a light bulb clicking on when I found out the reason Rush has been acting so wierd all this time is because he’s been tripping. Drugs do strange and unpredictable things to people. Some people get mellow. Others get hyper. Some people get their facts all skewed and others just get mean and nasty.
So tell me if I’m way off, but I think Rush has been supplying you and O’Reilly and Hannity for some time now. It all adds up. First of all, Rush couldn’t have taken all those drugs himself! Secondly, he’s your mentor (your Founding Father, if you will) and you being his impressionable disciples, how much could you resist his influence? You put that together with the wierd things you say and how you all agree with each other--I rest my case.
All I can say is, if I was a liberal at the Betty Ford Center, it would be pretty scary to see you and Rush and O’Reilly and Hannity all checking in together! Is Novak part of the Rush Limbaugh Drug Ring too?