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Wednesday, December 31, 2003
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

You’re Number One! Did you see the Gallup Poll that said you’re America’s Most Admired Man? You got 29 per cent! The closest to you was Colin Powell, and he only got 4 per cent! Clinton only got 3 per cent! Michael Jackson wasn’t even on the charts! You cleaned up! And this time you did it fair and square--no hanging chads, no African-Americans turned away at the polls, no Supreme Court Decisions--this was a clean win! Savor the victory!

Speaking of Michael Jackson, what do you make of all this? He says the police bruised his wrists with handcuffs, dislocated his shoulder, and locked him in a bathroom for 45 minutes with “doo-doo” all over the walls. Has your dad been advising him? The reason I ask is the only people I know who say “doo-doo” are Michael Jackson and your dad. You should give your dad the heads-up that nobody is buying the “doo-doo” defense, and maybe he should leave the advice to Michael’s attorneys. Even Liz Taylor and Diana Ross are staying out of this one.

Also, I’m worried this could set a bad precedent. You know that lawyers like Johnny Cochran and Gerry Spence are watching this development very closely because if it works for Michael Jackson, the next thing you know, they’ll be defending Saddam Hussein and saying his interrogators dislocated his shoulder and spread “doo-doo” all over his cell. They’ll have Saddam walking the streets as free as OJ Simpson, and then where will we be?! Tell your dad life is like a chess game--you have to think several moves ahead.

Speaking of Saddam Hussein, do you have an album called, Uncanned: The Best of Canned Heat? That’s the one where my friend says Saddam looks like Larry Taylor, the bass player. I’m not so sure--I have an album called Boogie with Canned Heat--do you have that one? Larry Taylor doesn’t look much like Saddam there. I actually think Saddam looks more like Bob “the Bear” Hite, their singer (the one with his shirt off). Of course, Bob Hite is dead now, and Larry Taylor and Saddam have both aged a lot since then, so you never know. Do you think Saddam is actually Larry Taylor?

Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate you on your big win as America’s Most Admired Man (AMAM). Here’s what you should do: Catch Bin Laden in October! Then you can ride the wave all the way into the shore of victory in November!

306 days til elections!
Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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