Tuesday, November 11, 2003
524 West 57th St.
New York, NY 10019
Just because you’re rich and powerful and good-looking doesn’t give you the right to use my ideas! Last week, you advised President Bush to say, “When I landed on the deck of the carrier, I wish they hadn't put up the sign saying MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. It isn't accomplished. Maybe it should have been MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.”
No offense, Mr. Rooney, but that was my idea! On September 9, I wrote a letter to our president suggesting that he go back over the film clips of him on the S.S. Abraham Lincon. I told him about a computer program called “Photo Shop,” and suggested he use it to change the sign from “Mission Accomplished” to “Mission Impossible.”
I also advised him to use Photo Shop to straighten out his American flag lapel pin, which is always crooked. I hope I don’t hear you talking about that next week on 60 Minutes! Please understand, I don’t mind people using my ideas. As a matter of fact, I have written over 200 letters this year giving Bush and other public officials all kinds of advice, and I’ve asked for nothing in return. I gave John Ashcroft the idea for Operation Full Disclosure, where citizens mailed him a list of all the books they’d read, videos they’d watched, medical records, etc., which saved him countless hours of spying on us. I have designed vehicles for Ford Motor Company such as the Ford Norton SUV, the Ford Humsfeld (kind of like a Hummer with a Donald Rumsfeld hood ornament), and the Ford BushMobile (kind of like the Pope Mobile mounted on a tank). I even wrote to your buddy Dan Rather--I had advised our president to dump Scott McLellan as press secretary and hire Rush Limbaugh. But then, Rush got railroaded by the liberal media, so I suggested Bush get Dan Rather to pinch-hit til after the elections. I wrote Dan to give him the heads-up.
My friend has a website at: www.paulchasman.com, where all my letters are posted. You can see, I’m very generous. I just think you should ask before you use other people’s ideas.