Sunday, May 09, 2004
P.O. Box 2182
Palm Beach, FL 33480
It’s lucky you’re around, or I just wouldn’t know how to think!
Ok. Let’s see if I’ve got this right: You said those prison guards just needed to “blow off steam.” They needed an “emotional release.” And now the wimpy liberals are going to “hammer them because they had a good time.”
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but now I can see it was just a frat house prank. Like you said, “This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation.” Skull and Bones? Are you saying what I think you’re saying?
How could I have been so blind? First I thought these were just a few random incidents of prison guards “blowing off steam.” Then I thought, OK--maybe General Sanchez had something to do with it because he needed to “soften the prisoners up.” Then I thought, well--maybe Rumsfeld needed an “emotional release” because everybody kept asking him, “Where are the WMD(s)!? Where are the WMD(s)?!” and he was going crazy so he told Sanchez to tell the guards to go ahead and have an “emotional release."
But once again, you, Rush Limbaugh, have set the record straight! They say genius is being able to make a complicated problem simple. That’s you! You laid out all the clues like a jigsaw puzzle: Skull and Bones. Frat house initiation. George W. Bush. This makes perfect sense! Our President is up to His college pranks again! What a kidder!
Let me piece this together: Our President, George W. Bush was getting a little bored with his job, and He was missing his old carefree Yale days. So He said to Rumsfeld, “Don, I need to blow off some steam. Let’s have an old-fashioned Skull and Bones initiation over there in Iraq. Let’s show them Iraqis how we have a good time the American way!”
Of course, in Skull and Bones, I don’t think they actually beat or killed anybody did they? Maybe by accident. Also, Skull and Bones probably didn’t hold people in solitary confinement and starve them and not let them sleep for months. But I guess we’ll never know because Skull and Bones is really secret, so they didn’t take any pictures.
Also, the “victims” of the Skull and Bones hazing volunteered to be there.
Also, you said, “Have you people noticed who the torturers are? Women! The babes! The babes are meting out the torture!” Hmm...I thought there weren’t any “babes” in a fraternity. They’re in a sorority, right? Ok, so the Skull and Bones theory doesn’t completely hold up. Nothing’s perfect. But I still think you’re right that this was Our President’s idea. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I know Kerry was in Skull and Bones too, but I don’t think Rumsfeld would have listened to him. He’s not president yet.
Another thing you said was this was just “good old American pornography.” Jeez, Rush--what videos are you renting? The only pornography movie I ever saw was Deep Throat, and that was because I thought it was about Watergate. I turned it off right away when I saw what those people were doing. But I knew something was strange at the beginning when it said, “All the actors in this movie are over 18 years of age and are participating of their own free will.”
It’s a good thing millions and millions of people listen to you, Rush Limbaugh! Otherwise how would we have known that “the reaction to the stupid torture is an example of the feminization of this country...”? If it weren’t for you, we might have gone on thinking that torturing and raping and killing our enemies was a bad thing. But now we know we just need to make these overemotional women calm down!
Is America a great country or what?!