Friday, May 21, 2004
President and Commander-in-Chief
George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C. 20500
Dear Mr. President and Commander-in-Chief,
I see you’re dusting off the old “C Student” joke again. You told the LSU students at their commencement address, "You earned your degree, and you, too, can leave today with high hopes. I speak with some authority here -- I've seen how things can work out pretty well for a C student.”
Ha, ha--that’s a good one. Keep using that! It worked in the last election--it’ll work again!
Things have worked out well for you, haven’t they? And you did it with old-fashioned hard work and elbow grease! After your dad helped you get into Yale, you earned that “C” average on your own. I bet he didn’t even help you with your homework! You’re a self-made man!
I think you and I have a lot in common. My dad “pulled some strings” for me too. He started Estrada’s Grocery back in 1948. He taught me the business, I worked hard for him for years and when he retired, he handed me the keys to the store. You see? We all depend on family connections! Affirmative Action!
My wife says maybe it’s time for an “A” student in the White House. She and I argue a lot these days.
But grades aren’t everything. Look at Einstein. He failed math! So much for “sound science.” I wonder what Einstein would think of the “Frankenfish” issue. “Frankenfish” are the hatchery-bred salmon that are being released into our waters so we can take the wild salmon off the Endangered Species Act. So what if a bunch of scientists from the “Environmental Industry” say Frankenfish are genetically inferior! So what if they say calling a Frankenfish a wild salmon is like calling a fishstick a fish! What’s wrong with fishsticks?
Anyway, I bet Einstein wouldn’t have cared. He didn’t even like salmon! I think sound scientists should make lots of Frankenfish and Frankengorillas and Spotted Frankenowls. Also, Healthy Frankenforests. Let’s put folks back to work and get back to that “balanced approach.” Maybe we should put scientists on the Endangered Species list.
Anyway, your story about how you raised yourself up from “C” student to the most powerful person on the planet is an inspiration to us all. Here’s a “personal testimony”: I know a young man named Bob. He worked hard, was an “A” student, and graduated from college with a teaching degree. He went on to teach math at our local high school, but he lost his job when the school closed because too many children were getting left behind. Bob was in despair, so I hired him to be a checker at my grocery store. All’s well that ends well.
By the way, were there any security problems when you spoke at the LSU commencement address? The reason I ask is when you didn’t go to your daughters’ graduations this month, you said you thought “the focus should be on the students, and not how long the lines are to go through the metal detectors.” Maybe on the day of your daughters’ graduation, the terror alert code was orange, but when you spoke at LSU it was only yellow.
Hail to the Commander-in-Chief!