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Friday, April 02, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

What happened to the Clinton papers?! Did you hear the 9-11 Commission is saying there were over 1000 documents from the Clinton administration that your guys didn’t give them? Something smells fishy. There can only be one explanation:

You’re covering for him!

I know you and Clinton are arch-rivals, but this goes beyond partisan politics! This is about America and National Security, and besides--I think I detect a soft spot in your heart for old Bill. Also, you’re a Christian and a Compassionate Conservative so you wouldn’t really want anything bad to happen to him.

That’s why you had to cover for him. Bill Clinton would be in big trouble if the 9-11 Commission found out he ordered two attack submarines to stand watch over the Taliban. Then everybody would know he took his eye off the ball in Iraq. It’s a good thing you ordered those subs to stand down!

We can’t have the 9-11 Commission finding out that Clinton warned the Taliban that he would hold their leadership responsible for any bin Laden attack on America. It was lucky you lifted that decree--it just inflamed the situation!

Clinton never even gave the Taliban any money--and get this--he was pressuring the Saudis! Wait til that comes out! You wisely reversed his policy and told the CIA to “back off” the Saudis, and you gave the Taliban 43 million dollars, which probably explains why they waited for eight whole months of your presidency before they attacked us.

Anyway, I know this is going to make things awfully rough for Clinton, but you have to turn over those papers! It’s the only way you can prove it was all his fault and not yours! You have to show he was so obsessed with the Taliban that he forgot all about Iraq!

Speaking of Clinton, do you think he’ll have Al Gore appear with him at the 9-11 hearing? I wonder if Gore will give him hand signals?

Speaking of joint appearances, I’ve been losing sleep worrying about the debates. I know they’re a long way off, but you have to think ahead. The Liberal Frenchman from Massachussets is a dirty fighter, and he’s going to insist on debates. I think I have a solution--demand that he debate you and Cheney together! Against Tag Team Bush & Cheney, he won’t stand a chance!

Four more years! (And then maybe even more!)

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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