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Ralph Nader
P.O. Box 19312
WA DC 20036
Dear Ralph,
Portland has been busy this week! First they had a casting call for Donald Trump’s “Apprentice” show, and the next night, you were in town! Donald Trump’s crowd was huge--people were selling their places in line! Did you get as many people as he did? Here’s a trivia question for you:
QUESTION: What do you and Donald Trump have in common?
ANSWER: You both ran for president!
The difference is he didn’t wreck it for anybody. Ok, ok--I know you’re kind of touchy on that subject, but before you get all worked up, I wasn’t talking about how you wrecked it for Al Gore in 2000. No, I’m talking about how you’re planning to wreck it for George W. Bush this time. That’s because you’re going to get so many Republican votes, you’ll turn the tide for Kerry!
Have you been talking to Karl Rove? That’s the only thing that makes sense. Karl Rove probably told you the Republicans want you to run, and you thought he meant they’d vote for you! Maybe he told you there were lots and lots of Republicans who couldn’t wait to vote for you. That Karl Rove--he’s such a kidder.
Ralph, it was a joke. I’ll spell it: J...O...K...E. NOW HEAR THIS! EARTH TO RALPH: KARL ROVE TRICKED YOU! HE WANTS YOU TO RUN BECAUSE THERE IS NOT A SINGLE REPUBLICAN ON THIS PLANET WHO WILL VOTE FOR YOU!!! NONE! NADA! NEIN! NICHT!
Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe there’s one somewhere. Maybe some guy somewhere will go into the voting booth and say, “Ralph Nader...Isn’t he the guy with all the casinos and the hair like Liberace who’s always saying, ‘You’re fired!’? I think I’ll vote for him.”
But that’s just not enough of a base to build a campaign on. You’d better go back to siphoning votes from the Democrats. That’s what you do best!
Republicans for Ralph!
Four more years! (Or maybe forty.)
Carl Estrada
