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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Ralph Nader
P.O. Box 19312
WA DC 20036

Dear Ralph,

I don’t want to say I told you so, but...

You had a rally in Portland Monday night, you needed 1000 signatures to get on the ballot, and only 741 people showed up! Later you blamed the basketball game that was on that night.

Ralph, you haven’t been listening to me! I know a lot of people who support you, and not one of them even owns a TV! They’re the ones who showed up at your rally! You keep saying you’re going to get Republicans to vote for you--DON’T YOU GET IT?! It was the Republicans who were staying home watching basketball, and if the game hadn’t been on, they would have been watching Survivor, and if Survivor wasn’t on, they’d be watching O’Reilly! But the one thing no Republican will ever do is go to a RALPH NADER RALLY!

Why did you schedule your rally on the night of the NCAA Basketball Finals anyway? It makes me question your judgment. It reminds me of a friend of mine--he’s a singer-songwriter, and he scheduled a concert in Portland. Well, guess what? He scheduled his concert the same night Bob Dylan came to town. How many people do you think showed up to see my friend? Exactly the same number as Republicans who came to your rally! Zero!

I just think if you want to be president, you have to be aware of show biz basics--like don’t schedule a gig on the same night as your bigger competition. It’s common sense! If you don’t know that by now, I don’t think you’ll ever be ready to be president.

Speaking of Bob Dylan--did you hear he’s going to endorse lingerie on a Victoria’s Secret commercial? It’s true. I think this is one more example of how you were “asleep at the switch.” That could have been you! You’re an aging star from the 60’s just like Dylan. You could have beaten him to the punch! But now Dylan’s got the Victoria’s Secret gig and you’re running around the country trying to get Republicans to turn off their basketball game and vote for you.

Another thing--a president has to have a sense of humor, and I think you’re “humor impaired.” I’ll give you an example. I’ll tell you a joke:

Cheney: Why are you so happy, Mr. President?
Bush: Because I finished this jig saw puzzle in a month, and the box said “3-5 years.”

And I know what you are thinking! You’re thinking, “I wonder if the puzzle pieces have been tested for child safety.” Humor impaired.

I’m sorry, Ralph. I just don’t think you’re ready to be president and at this rate, I wonder if you ever will.

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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