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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Dr. Condoleezza Rice
National Security Advisor
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Dr. Rice,

You did it! You testified before the 9-11 Commission, and they couldn’t lay a glove on you! And you didn’t even need Dick Cheney with you!

I was glad to see you took my advice about your “ensemble.” The earth tones I suggested worked out nicely, didn’t they? Also, good choice to get rid of that “buttoned up to the neck” look and choose the looser fitting blouse. It lets you breathe so much better! The only problem I had was that gold chain around your neck. It looked like something a 60-year-old guy in a Viagra commercial would wear! But maybe I’m being too nit-picky.

My favorite part was when you talked about “Asymetrical Response.” Like when 19 Saudis attack us with the 4 airplanes they just hijacked, and then we bomb the bejesus out of Iraq! “Asymetrical Response.” Does Our President know that term? You should teach it to him. That way he’ll know what Cheney is talking about when they testify together. Explain it to him in baseball terms--he likes baseball. Tell him it’s like if you’re a pitcher and a guy hits a homerun off you, then the next time that guy comes up to bat, you throw a beanball at the team mascot. “Asymetrical Response.”

The other thing I learned is we have “Structural Problems.” Boy, do we have “Structural Problems!” You said so over and over. You said (I’m paraphrasing): “9-11 happened because we inherited Structural Problems from the failed Clinton administration who had no clue about the Structural Problems they were facing, but because we had a deep sense of urgency about an imminent Al Qaeda attack, we thought it imperative to study the Structural Problems in depth and formulate a plan by which, in 3-5 years, Americans would understand that we must balance their liberties with the need to protect them from terrorism by overcoming the Structural Problems which we inherited from the failed Clinton administration. Structural Problems."

I figured out that at a rate of three “Structural Problems” per minute for two and a half hours, you probably said “Structural Problems” 550 times! You’ll never guess who agrees with you--John Kerry! I heard him say we have Structural Problems, too!

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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