Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Thursday, April 08, 2004

President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

I bet you were proud of your National Security Advisor yesterday! Condi Rice did a great job before the 9-11 Commission, and she didn’t even need Dick Cheney’s help!

One thing she said was you were “tired of swatting flies.” Boy, can I relate! We get these big hatches of flies at our house, and sometimes I think I spend half my life swatting flies. Here’s a tip: It’s all in the wrist. If you give too much arm motion, you’ll be too slow and they’ll get away.

Have you ever tried one of those pest strips? They work! Hang it up in the Oval Office, and by the end of the day, it’ll be black with flies. Just don’t touch the sticky stuff--it’ll stay on your hands for weeks!

Do you have a skylight in the Oval Office? If you do, I’d recommend a strong vacuum--you can just chase them around the skylight with a long hose, and they’re so stupid they just fly around the window, and pretty soon you’ve sucked ‘em all up! You might need a ladder.

I learned a new term from Dr. Rice yesterday: Asymetrical Response. Do you know that one? It’s like when Osama bin Laden attacks us, so we go after The Evil Dictator, Saddam Hussein. Asymetrical Response.

Here’s an example maybe you’ll get--Say there are all these flies flying around the Oval Office, and you get tired of swatting them, so you go out to the Rose Garden and swat a hornets’ nest that’s hanging in a tree. Asymetrical Response.

Or say, you you swat that hornets’ nest and they all come swarming after you so you run back to the Oval Office, grab your baseball bat, run back to the Rose Garden, and bash a bigger hornets’ nest! That’s Asymetrical Response, too.

And say, now you’ve got two hornets’ nests swarming all over you and they’re getting into your shirt and under your pants and you’re getting stung everywhere, so there’s only one thing to do: Bomb Syria! Asymetrical Response.

Four more years! (Or maybe forty.)

Carl Estrada

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