Anti George Bush political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Thursday, April 08, 2004
Donald H. Rumsfeld
Secretary of Defense
1000 Defense Pentagon
Washington, DC 20301-1000

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld,

I think we’ve got ‘em right where we want ‘em!

The main thing is, like you said, it’s just a handful of “thugs” and the situation is not spiralling out of control. The only “serious problems” we have are in Falluja, Kerbala, Najaf, Kut, Abu Ghraib, Mosul, Baquba, and Baghdad. Besides those places, Iraq is pacified. Mission Accomplished!

Also, Our President is the greatest Uniter not a Divider of all time! Who else on this planet could have brought the Sunnis and the Shiites together? He’s a miracle worker!

I don’t know why all these Henny Penny Liberals are wringing their hands and saying we’re in another Viet Nam! Don’t they know their geography? Viet Nam is on the other end of the globe! Viet Nam is a jungle--Iraq is a desert! Also, it’s true that we’ve had a lot of casualties, but we’ve killed a lot more Iraqis than they’ve killed of our troops--and they weren’t all women and children--we’ve killed some thugs too!

I have an idea and I hope you’ll listen with an open mind. Take a deep breath. Ready?

Send Saddam Hussein home. I know, I know--he’s the Evil Dictator and all that. But it’s the only thing that makes sense. He could restore order in a week! Also, maybe he’d be so grateful to you for letting him go that you could be friends again like you were in the 80’s. You could say that the world was a safer place without Saddam Hussein, but that was “Old Iraq.” You can tell everybody we need Saddam for the “New Iraq!”

Also, remember Mussolini? Say what you want about him--he did make the trains run on time. Sometimes you have to be practical.

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

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