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President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
You traded SAMMY SOSA?! What were you thinking?!
For a while I thought you were doing really well last night in your “solo” press conference. You didn’t even need Dick Cheney! Then that reporter reminded you about the time you said trading Sammy Sosa was the biggest mistake you ever made in your life, and then he asked if you had made any mistakes since 9-11?
You hemmed and hawed and stammered and the cameras panned to Karl Rove and it looked to me like he was talking on his cell phone. I think I could read his lips--if I got it right, he was saying, “Get Cheney! Hurry!”
And I thought, Sammy Sosa?! He’s a homerun machine! He’s a goodwill ambassador! No wonder you don’t like to talk about your mistakes! No offense sir, but trading Sammy Sosa is about the stupidest, most bone-headed mistake I can imagine!
What were you thinking?! Maybe that was your 1989 version of Asymetrical Response. (In case you forgot, Asymetrical Response is a military term that I think Condi Rice made up. It means when something bad happens, fix it by doing something that has nothing to do with it. Like if your team finishes 6th in the Western Division with a 70-91 record, trade away a future MVP, Hall of Famer and breaker of Babe Ruth’s homerun record. Asymetrical Response.)
Live and learn. I’m just glad you haven’t made any mistakes since you traded Sammy Sosa. There’s too much at risk! Just think what might have happened if you had made a mistake and read that August 6, 2001 PDB (that’s Presidential Daily Briefing--I explained it to you in my last letter). You would have had to do something, and there are so many countries to bomb, you might have picked the wrong one!
Or what if you had decided to keep chasing bin Laden instead of going after Saddam? Iraq wouldn’t be the liberated country it is today, and you probably wouldn’t have caught bin Laden anyway. Big mistake.
Or what if you had built a 100-nation coalition like your dad did? Can you imagine the chaos Iraq would be in if the UN was in charge? That would have been a huge mistake!
And it’s a good thing you were so sure about WMD(s). And imminent threat. And mushroom clouds. Just think what would have happened if you hadn’t “exaggerated the truth?” The liberals in Congress might have ganged up on you and stopped you from invading Iraq and then where would we be? How can we have a War President if there’s no war going on?!
Sir, you are tip-toeing over a minefield of mistakes, and your footing has been sure! You haven’t stepped on one yet! That’s why “Old Europe” and all our other “allies” are so mad at you--they’re jealous! They want you to fail.
But you won’t slip and you won’t fall. I know, because you said last night that “freedom is the Almighty’s gift to every man and woman in this world.” We’re trying to “change the world” because “that’s what we have been called on to do!” It’s a Crusade! (Don’t say, “Crusade.” That would be a mistake.)
Sincerely,
Carl Estrada
