Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Monday, April 19, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C. 20500

Dear Mr. President,

My prayers have been answered!

Do you believe in miracles? Get this--two weeks ago I wrote a letter to Gale Norton (your Interior Secretary), and I complained that gas prices were too high. I admit I whined a little bit, but they’re going through the roof and my Cadillac Escalante SUV only gets 12 mpg, and you can imagine how much this is costing me!

So picture my surprise when I heard Bob Woodward say gas prices are coming down this summer! It’s true! You and Saudi Ambassador Prince Bandar made a deal where he’ll spike Saudi gas prices until summer, then the Saudis will start cranking out lots of oil so gas prices will take a dive, and then in November, you’ll win again!

I’m so relieved to hear this. It means I can take a summer vacation with my wife and grandson, Lester. It means my produce at the grocery store will be much cheaper to buy and sell. If I can only hold out til summer! How long do you think prices will stay down? Will they go back up on November 3? I’m just trying to plan ahead. My wife says I worry too much about the future. The main thing is gas will be cheaper this summer and through the fall. Live in the now.

Speaking of the Saudis, I thought of another example of Asymetrical Response. Remember when I explained Asymetrical Response to you? That’s the term Condi Rice made up for when you bomb Baghdad to get rid of al Qaeda, or you bomb Cuba to get rid of polar bears. Asymetrical Response. Here’s another one: Say bin Laden attacks the World Trade Center and three days later, while no planes are allowed in the air, you hustle the whole bin Laden family into a plane and fly them out of the country for their own safety. Asymetrical Response.

Here’s an Asymetrical Response trivia question:

QUESTION: Guess who your Number Two Father was meeting with in New York on 9/11 when the Trade Center got hit?

ANSWER: Bin Laden’s brother.

Did you notice I called your dad your “Number Two Father?” That’s because you said you “appeal to a higher father” for your strength. I guess that would be your Number One Father. You’ve got us all scratching our heads on who your Number One Father is. I’ve still got my money on Cheney. But my second choice is Prince Bandar. Can we bet Win, Place, and Show like in the horse races? Here are my bets:

WIN: Cheney

PLACE: Prince Bandar

SHOW: Pat Robertson

Give me a sign if I’m right. Say three “u-u-uhs” if it’s Cheney, two “u-u-uhs” if it’s Bandar, and one “u-u-uh” if it’s Robertson. If it’s none of the above, say “noo-clee-ar.”

196 days til elections!
62 days til lower gas prices!

Carl Estrada

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