Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Tuesday, April 20, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

I am SO SORRY!

Mistakes were made. I owe you an apology. I was worried that Bob Woodward’s new book was going to do you in. Boy, was I wrong! Once I got past the liberal spin, I could see that Woodward shows you for what you are--Strong Leader, miles ahead of everybody, with an almost mystical connection to a higher source!

I’m sorry I believed you kept Colin Powell (your Secretary of State) “out-of-the-loop.” He wasn’t at all! Listen to what he said: “I knew as much as anybody.” That proves it! Also, I was fooled because he said he hadn’t heard about your decision to invade Iraq. But he did know about your plan. Words can be so misleading.

Also, I’m sorry for believing Woodward when he said you secretly took $700 million of Afghanistan money and used it for Iraq. The Pentagon says it was only $200 million, and besides, Scott McLellan (your press secretary) said you are "reviewing this," and "at this time we are confident that Congress was kept fully informed of all expenditures." Silly me.

I’m sorry I was so suspicious when Woodward said that Saudi Prince Bandar promised to “fine tune” gas prices to “prime the economy” before the elections. Bandar didn’t say he promised--he said he hoped to keep gas prices down before the elections. Besides, Dan Bartlett (your Communications Chief) said, “There was no secret deal.” There you go.

Did you hear what the Liberal Frenchman from Massachussets said? He said all the foreign leaders want him to win. I’m really embarrassed that for a minute I believed him. And then I thought, “Wait a minute! Not all the foreign leaders want Kerry. I bet the Saudi leaders are for you!”

I should apologize to Colin Powell and Dick Cheney for believing Woodward when he said they’re not on speaking terms. Of course they are! Powell says their relationship is “excellent!” And listen to what Condi Rice said: “I've had lunch on a number of occasions with Vice President Cheney and with Colin Powell, and they're more than on speaking terms. They're very friendly." She even says they privately call each other Dick and Colin. (I hope Cheney calls Powell “Colin” and Powell calls Cheney “Dick,” and not the other way around--just kidding.)

Speaking of humor, I have one more confession to make. You remember when you said you don’t talk to your father, but you get your strength from a “higher father?” Remember how I asked you if the “higher father” was Dick Cheney? I was just kidding. I knew what you meant. I knew the higher father was really The Higher Father, Our Lord Jesus and all that. I was just trying to lighten things up a little bit. Sometimes you get so serious about this stuff, I get a little worried about you.

But I guess you’re right. Most people never get to talk one-on-one to The Higher Father, so they don’t understand why you didn’t need to consult your lower father or Rumsfeld or Powell or Condi, or anybody except maybe Cheney. Most people have lots of doubts, so they have doubts when you say, “I never had a doubt.” Anyway, I’m sorry for teasing you. It’s just that I have never met anyone so close to God before. I just don’t know how to act.

There! I got it off my chest. You see? When you apologize and admit your mistakes, you feel much better afterwards.

Your turn!

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

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