Thursday, April 22, 2004
Secretary of Interior
1489 C Street NW
Washington DC 20240
Dear Secretary Norton,
Happy Earth Day!
“Earth Day is every day!” That’s what you said in Yosemite today. Some people have a way with words.
That’s the trouble with all those environmental wackos. One day out of the year on Earth Day, they put down their lattes and parade around the forests and chain themselves to trees and whine about how you’re ruining the planet with your clear cuts and oil drilling and fossil fuels and mercury levels and endangered species and global warming and river pollution and air pollution and ocean pollution and coral reefs and blah blah blah-- they go on and on like there’s some kind of CRISIS!
Meanwhile, the true heroes like Our President and you and The EPA quietly go about your jobs day in, day out, making the world safe by studying the issues with “sound science” and proposing tough new standards due to take effect in 2020 that industries are free to follow if they want to.
Anyway, how can the “greens” say you’re not doing anything? Our President stopped the off-shore oil drilling in Florida. Also, the wetlands that didn’t lose their wetlands status--he’s protecting some of them too. In Florida. Also, did you hear about the Florida Everglades? He’s cleaning some of them up too.
Ask any CEO! They’ll tell you Our President is the greatest Environmental President since Teddy Roosevelt! They’ll tell you how good the environment is for their company. Besides, did you hear what Our President said? He said, “Since 2001, the condition of America's land, air and water has improved.” (Italics mine.) What more do these enviros want?!
Did I ever tell you about my farmer friend, Darryl? Darryl had two horses, and no matter what he did, they’d poop and pee in their stall. He tried keeping them out all day, but the first thing they did when he put them back in was poop and pee. He tried “positive reinforcement” with carrots. He tried electric shock. Nothing worked. Those stupid horses kept pooping and peeing in their stalls. So you know what he did? He sold his farm to a large chemical manufacturer and bought a condo overlooking a golf course. End of problem!
You see? There’s always a solution. Sometimes you just have to let the “market forces” work things out voluntarily and wait for the sound scientists to finish their studies so you can reach that “balanced approach.”
Healthy Forests! Blue Skies! Clean Water!