Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Monday, April 26, 2004
Gale Norton
Secretary of Interior
1489 C Street NW
Washington DC 20240

Dear Secretary Norton,

Isn’t it a BEAUTIFUL DAY???!!!

I live on the Oregon Coast and it’s a wonderful day every day now! It used to be so dark and dreary and rainy and we’d slog through the spring til July. Remember “April showers bring May flowers?” Well, we had our May flowers in February this year!

Oregon is such a happy place now! It never rains anymore! The sun is always shining and people walk around with big smiles on their faces. I joke with the Californians that they brought their weather with them because it’s 85 degrees in April! Except it’s 110 degrees in Southern California. Maybe the Californians brought their weather up here and the Mexicans brought their weather to California.

But it sure is grand to have such sunny weather all the time! Every day is a record breaker! I love to see so many smiling people in shorts and tank tops, watering their lawns, watering their gardens, washing their cars... The sun is out! Turn on your air conditioner! It’s great to be alive!

The only problem is everything is sort of turning brown. We get our water from a well, but it’s drying up. I’m thirsty! I have an idea: Maybe we can pipe our water in from Vegas. They’re the fastest growing city in the country! They’re right in the middle of a desert, but they always seem to have lots and lots of water. I think they should share. Also, it’s getting so hot I want to put in a swimming pool this summer. But I don’t want my pool to turn into a skateboard park! I need water! Could you see if we can get some Vegas water over here?

Also the mosquitoes. We used to get them in the summer, but it’s summer already! My wife bought me a full-body mosquito suit with a mesh helmet type thing--I look like one of Darth Vader’s troopers. Or a greeter from Disneyland. But she worries about West Nile Virus. Also Dutch Elm Disease. Also the Sudden Death Oak that’s killing all the oak trees in Big Sur. Also red ants.

QUESTION: What do George W. Bush and red ants have in common?

ANSWER: They’re both from Texas but now they’re in Oregon too!

And the invasive species! The ivy and blackberry and scotch broom are taking over the planet! And gorse! Whatever you do, don’t tell Our President about gorse! He thinks Saddam Hussein is evil, but he’s never seen gorse! Don’t get him started. If we have a nuclear holocaust, there will be two life forms remaining: cockroaches and gorse.

But isn’t it beautiful outside? I just worship the sun! I guess the ski resort owners aren’t too happy, but they’ll adjust. They can turn the mountains into giant skateboard parks. Then people can skate there instead of using my swimming pool. Of course, if it doesn’t snow, then we’re back to the problem of no runoff in the spring and no water in the summer. That’s why we need your help to get some of that Vegas water.

I just love this glorious weather, don’t you? Why do you think it’s so hot in April? I guess it must be El Nino our La Nina or one of those things. Oh well--no matter. Enjoy the sun. Don’t forget your sunblock! I recommend SPF-50.

HAVE A NICE DA-A-A-AY!!!

Carl Estrada

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