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Monday, March 15, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C. 20500

Dear Mr. President,

You’re walking into a trap! Kerry claims he’s talked to world leaders who want you to lose, and you’re taking the bait! DON’T--I repeat--DON’T demand that he name names! He’s trying to “take the high road,” but if you back him in a corner, he might talk. How can I put this gently? I think there are a few leaders who don’t like you very much. Here is a partial list of Kerry’s Koalition of the Unwilling:

Prime Minister-elect Jose Zapatero, Spain. Listen to what he said: “The war in Iraq was a disaster, the occupation of Iraq is a disaster...a fiasco...It divided more than it united, there were no reasons for it...the arguments for it lacked credibility and the occupation has been managed badly.” Can he say that?

Chancellor Gerhard Schroder Germany. I know you guys shook hands and everything, but I don’t trust this guy. Remember when you tried to get him to help you in Iraq, but he kept saying he wanted the UN to decide, not you? Remember when his aide compared you to Hitler?

President Jacques Chirac France. Chirac has never given you the time of day! Besides, Kerry looks French. Everybody on FOX says so.

Secretary General Kofi Annan, United Nations. Remember when he said your preemptive doctrine “could set precedents that resulted in a proliferation of the unilateral and lawless use of force, with or without justification...”? Remember when you wouldn’t sign the Kyoto Treaty and he said, "The United States...is the world's leading emitter of greenhouse gases...That makes it especially important for it to join in reducing emissions, and in the broader quest for energy efficiency and conservation. There is concern throughout the world about the decision of the new administration to oppose the protocol..."? I don’t know why, but I’ve always thought this guy had it out for you.

Former Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix United Nations. Did you hear what he said in his book? He said, "The moral of this story was clearly a loss of credibility for the leaders of this war...” I think he was talking about you.

Prime Minister Paul Martin, Canada. Figure this out: Paul Martin says Canada was right to not send troops, 67% of Canadians say you “lied to justify the war,” and now they’re mad at you because you wouldn’t let them bid on the Iraq rebuilding contracts. People! Remember when his cabinet minister called you a “moron?”

President Vicente Fox, Mexico. This guy stiffed you in Iraq, and he’d stiff you again in a minute! He was a really bad sport about your fingerprinting policy and your immigration policy. How many times can you guys “patch things up?”

President Hugo Chavez, Venezuela. After he survived that coup in 2002, he said, “America supported it.” (See Fidel Castro, Cuba.)

Chief of State Kim Jong-il, North Korea; President Mohammad Khatami, Iran. Trivia question: What do these two men have in common? Answer: They are 2/3 of the “Axis of Evil.” I don’t know for sure, but I have a gut feeling they’re rooting for Kerry. Sometimes my friends think I’m psychic.

Chairman Hu Jintao, China. Who? Hu, that’s who. He’s mad at you because you threatened to “get involved if China tried to use coercion or force to unilaterally change the status of Taiwan."

President Chen Shui-bian, Taiwan. He’s feeling betrayed because you warned him not to “seek unilateral independance.” (Don’t tell Kerry--he’ll say you “flip-flopped.”)

The news isn’t all bad. I think Tony Blair still likes you. He’s kind of like Tonto--he keeps getting the snot beat out of him because he’s so loyal to the Lone Ranger. Maybe Putin likes you. You saw his soul--you’re soulmates! Also, Ariel Sharon. I’m not sure he really likes you, but I think he likes jerking your chain while he’s riding around in his bulldozer. Don't forget Berlusconi. You have a lot in common with him. Then there’s King Fahd or Crown Prince Abdullah or whoever is running Saudi Arabia these days. Your family and theirs have been great friends for a long time. And when most of the 9/11 hijackers turned out to be Saudis, you bombed Iraq! That’s what friends are for!

So, you can tell Kerry that some world leaders like you. But I think you’d better change the subject. You’re just stirring up a hornet’s nest. Don’t get him started!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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