Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Karl Rove
Advisor to the President
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. Rove,

It’s working! Your 90-day campaign to “define” The Frenchman Kerry has got him on the run!

Keep up the pressure! It’s the only chance you have! You must I repeat must define The Frenchman Kerry before the public has a chance to decide for themselves!

I think you should rehire Karen Ryan--remember her? She’s the actress you got to pretend she was a newscaster and “report” on Our President’s new drug program. She was great! Encore! (That means “more” in French.)

She can ask the question: “Mr. Kerry, is it true that you’re ‘soft on defense?’ ” Then cut to a clip of The Frenchman Kerry’s 1990 Senate campaign where he said, “Once you’ve seen war, you never stop fighting for peace.” Back to Karen Ryan looking at the camera and rolling her eyes.

She can report that, by the Bush Administration’s own calculations, The Frenchman Kerry’s budget plans will put us trillions of dollars in debt, which is much more than the 500 billion dollars Our President owes.

And the flip-flops! She can go on and on about how The Frenchman Kerry was in the Senate for nineteen years and--get this--sometimes he changed his mind! Let her contrast that with Our President--he never changes his mind!

And don’t let her forget the French Connection. I know you’ve had O’Reilly and Ann Coulter and Rush and the whole crew doing heavy lifting on this one--but we need a “legitimate” reporter to remind voters that Kerry has some French blood and he has a French cousin somewhere and he speaks French and besides, he looks French! See if you can dig up a rumor about him getting a transfusion from a French donor after one of his war injuries. Anyway, here’s the punchline:

Karen Ryan: “Mr. Kerry, who is the Prime Minister of France?”
Kerry: “Jacques Chirac.”
Karen Ryan: “Mr. Kerry, what is the capital of France?”
Kerry: “Paris.”

Have Karen Ryan give the camera one of those looks that says, “Words would spoil. This clip speaks for itself.” Then while she’s hiding a little smirk, she can simply say, “In Washington, I’m Karen Ryan reporting.”

I was hoping you could have Karen Ryan break the story that The Frenchman Kerry was a Christ-killer. But it’s too late for that now--Mel Gibson already confessed. Besides, I don’t even think there was such a thing as France in those days.

60 days of defining The Frenchman to go!
222 days til elections!

Carl Estrada

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