Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Saturday, March 27, 2004
Alice Thompson
CBN Partner Correspondence
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23463

Dear Ms. Thompson,

Thank you again for another lovely letter.

You told me Pat Robertson was never married to Tammy Faye Bakker, and that I was getting him mixed up with Jim Bakker. Silly me--I do that all the time now. My mind just isn’t as sharp as it used to be. I always get Jimmy Swaggert and Jerry Lee Lewis mixed up too. Did you know they’re cousins? I can never remember which one is the preacher and which one is the rock ‘n’ roll singer.

You told me that my theological questions “would be more fittingly directed to a local church pastor.” Believe me, I would if I could! But at my church, Reverend Gilmore has been really busy lately. He’s been performing gay marriage ceremonies all-day-every-day for the last month! He says he wants to get in as many as he can before they shut his church down. I haven’t seen this many gay people since I got caught in a traffic jam in Greenwich Village on Gay Pride Day!

Anyway, Reverend Gilmore is too busy to answer my theological questions, and he says after he gets done performing all these marriages, he’s going to take a vacation with his new spouse, Larry. I don’t think he’ll have time to counsel me for a quite a while. So if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you ask Pat Robertson to answer my questions one more time for me?

Also, I have one more question--did you hear what Mel Gibson said? He said he killed Jesus. He did--I heard him say it to Diane Sawyer. That was even Mel Gibson’s hand that was driving in the crucifixion nails in the movie! I’ve notified John Ashcroft and I think there’s going to be an investigation. Will you ask Pat Robertson if we should forgive Mel Gibson for killing Jesus?

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada