Sunday, February 01, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
I heard you say the reason we’re going to have a 500+ billion dollar deficit is because we had a recession and then we were attacked, but we’re succeeding because “America is strong and full of decent people.”
Well, I know you make some good points, and I don’t like to disagree with My President, but I’m not so sure about the “decent people” part. My brother-in-law Rudy, for instance--he’s in jail for trying to rob a 7/11. Not only is he not decent, he’s kind of stupid. He tried to hold it up with a water pistol, but the clerk reached behind the counter and pulled out a real gun. He scared the bejesus out of Rudy who ran out of the store, straight into a cop who figured a guy running out of a 7/11 with a ski mask and a water pistol looked suspicious.
Then, last week there was this truck driver who wouldn’t let me pass him. Every time I’d try, he’d speed up and try to run me off the road. I got so mad I laid on my horn for a mile, and you know what he did? He stuck his hand out the window and gave me a sign with his middle finger. I don’t think that was very decent, do you?
I know you’re a Christian and you love humanity, but I think people are overrated. I mean, how many times have you been in a grocery store line and people just butt right in front of you? And they’re usually people with the IQ of an egg plant whose grocery carts are full of hot dogs and Wonder Bread and macaroni and cheese. And they’re always reading National Enquirer and talking to each other about John Travolta’s sex change operation and Oprah’s diet and Chelsea Clinton’s wild night!
And I haven’t even mentioned the Democrats! They don’t even fly flags out their window! More than half the people in this country didn’t vote for you, and they won’t next time either. Do you think they’re decent people?
I just think you need to watch your words very carefully. The Demos are already piling on for “exaggerating the truth.” You don’t want to give them anything else to use against you.