Sunday, February 01, 2004
Dean For America
P.O. Box 1228
Burlington, Vermont 05402
Dear Howard Dean,
WE’RE GOING TO CALIFO-O-ORNIA-A-A!!!! YEA-A-A-H!!!! Dude! I loved when you did that! I was jumping up and down on the couch and yelling right along with you til my girl friend punched me in the arm and told me to put a lid on it. She says you’re a liberal George Bush on steroids.
Anyway, I hate to break the news to you but somebody’s got to do it. Here it is:
You lost, dude.
It’s ok. Everybody loses once in a while. I know cuz I’ve lost a lot of surfing contests I thought I would win. One time this dude cut right in front of me on the last wave of the day and I hit a pier post. The bummer was when I woke up in the hospital, they told me I broke my board in half. It was harsh.
Anyway, get up and dust yourself off. Go back to Vermont, flip some pancakes and chill. The main thing is--JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH FOR A WHILE, DUDE! STOP BAD-MOUTHING KERRY! YOU’RE JUST DRAGGING HIM DOWN IN THE MUD WITH YOU LIKE THAT GEPHARDT DUDE! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ABB--ANYBODY BUT BUSH?!
You don’t have to be a good sport--just pretend. Do what I did--The next time I saw that rat who cut me off on the wave, I said, “Nice ride.” Or like my girl friend would say, “Put a lid on it, dude.”