Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Scott McLellan
White House Press Secretary
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C. 20500

Dear Mr. McLellan,

The press are swarming like piranhas! Can’t they see you have documents to prove Our President got paid by the National Guard most of the time except for the five months when he didn’t?! That settles it. End of story.

But this is an election year, and you know the Liberal Media is going to pull out all the sleazy stops to try to dethrone Our President. Mr. McLellan, I’ll be blunt--I hope you’re up for this job. I think you’re too excitable. I remember Ari Fleischer (he was my Second Favorite White House Press Secretary of All Time). He was unflappable! He could just drone on & on like he was reading the phone book, and pretty soon it was like the whole press corps was on Valium. My Favorite Press Secretary of All Time is CJ Craig on The West Wing! She’s smart and feisty and always knows the right thing to say--she’s like a lion tamer, and she has those wild animals in the press corps eating out of her hand!

Your problem is you keep saying the same thing over and over: “We have the documents to prove...We have the documents to prove...” You’re like the guy who goes to Mexico and says, “Where’s the bathroom?” and when they say, “No comprendo, Senor,” he keeps saying it, only louder. “I said...WHERE’S THE BATHROOM???!!!...I said...we HAVE THE DOCUMENTS TO PROVE...!!!”

No offense, but it just isn’t working. I know you guys don’t like to admit Clinton did anything right, but I think it’s time you took a play out of the Clinton Playbook. No matter what people ask you about Our President going AWOL, or exaggerating the truth about WMD(s), or Cheney’s secret energy meetings, or the 500 gazillion dollar deficit, or the 9-11 investigation, or the CIA investigation, or the outing of the CIA spy investigation or anything else, just say what Clinton said. Remember? He said: “It’s time to get on with the work of the American people.”

Another Clinton play: This is worst case scenario, but if things get really bad, maybe the President could have an affair. I know, I know--it sounds strange, but it might just work. It would distract people from all those serious charges--the press would drop the AWOL issue like a rotten fish if they had a good juicy presidential affair to chase after. And look at Clinton! He not only survived his affair, but everybody loves him! If he could run, he’d win again! He’s like Elvis!

I just think that big problems require creative solutions. I know you’re still learning on the job, but that’s ok. Our President is learning on the job too. Just stop waving documents in the air and yelling at the press. I said, “Just STOP WAVING DOCUMENTS IN THE AIR AND YELLING AT THE PRESS!!!” It’s not working.

264 days til elections!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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