Saturday, February 14, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
Happy President’s Day! Are you going to do something special to celebrate your day? Maybe you could declare a National Emergency or Martial Law. Ha ha--just kidding.
Who’s your Favorite President of All Time? Mine, of course, is George W. Bush. I bet you can’t guess who my 2nd Favorite President of All Time is. I’ll give you a hint--it’s not Nixon. For one thing, Nixon’s guys couldn’t keep a secret. As soon as the Watergate indictments came down, they all started talking faster than Rush Limbaugh on uppers. No loyalty. Besides, Nixon was the guy who started the EPA and passed the Endangered Species Act. I don’t need to tell you how much of a problem that’s been.
I liked Reagan too, but he’s not my 2nd favorite. Remember when he said, “If you’ve seen one tree, you’ve seen ‘em all...”? Remember when he said the ketchup in the kids’ school lunches was a vegetable? What a kidder that guy was! But if you ask me, your dad was the brains behind that operation. If it weren’t for him, I bet Jimmy Carter would have gotten the hostages out of Iran first. Also, your dad did a good job of keeping Reagan from getting caught in the Iran/Contra mess.
No, my 2nd Favorite President of All Time is Herbert Hoover! He was just like you! He said, "We in America today are nearer to the final triumph over poverty than ever before in the history of any land." And we would have been too, if the stock market hadn’t crashed. When the Great Depression hit, he did the only thing that made sense--he cut taxes so he could balance the budget! Just like you!
Also, Hoover was a “Compassionate Conservative.” He cared so much about all the cold and hungry people that he encouraged local volunteers to help them. Just like you! Here’s a trivia question: Who is the only U.S. President to lose jobs in a four year cycle? You guessed it--Herbert Hoover! And now, you’ll be the second! I guess some people would say that’s a minus in your column, but I think it’s a good reason to re-elect you. Just look at history--the voters booted Hoover out and then we got stuck with FDR!
But now, after all these years, we finally have a chance to make things right again. I think if you explain it to the people, they’ll start to miss old Herbert Hoover and understand that the whole mess we’re in started when they booted him out and let in that Tax-and-Spend-Liberal-Democrat FDR! Here’s a TV ad for you--you can say:
How many times in life do you get a chance to undo your mistakes? Bring back the salad days of Herbert Hoover! Bring back the months of prosperity! This is your Second Chance! Vote for George W. Bush: The Second Chance President!
Happy President’s Day!