Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Monday, February 16, 2004
Mel Gibson
23333 Palm Canyon Lane
Malibu, CA 90265-4956

Dear Mr. Gibson,

I have a confession to make--I sneaked into a private showing of your new movie, The Passion of the Christ. The door was wide open and I just walked right in--I had to see it!

It was pretty good. I thought it was too bloody, but I’m not a film critic, so what do I know? I just know what I like and what I don’t like. I don’t like so much blood. I even had a hard time with Private Ryan, and that was like Mary Poppins compared to your movie.

Also, I’ve heard a lot of people say your movie will make people think the Jews killed Christ. But then I heard you say it wasn’t just the Jews’ fault--we all killed him. You even said you killed him. I can’t sit here and tell you what you did or didn’t do, but I think you should speak for yourself. I wasn’t even born then, so how could I have killed him?!

What’s your Favorite Jesus Movie of All Time? Mine is Jesus Christ, Superstar. It wasn’t nearly as bloody as yours, and the songs were much catchier. Remember, I Don’t Know How to Love Him? Remember Heaven on Their Minds? They just don’t make songs like that anymore! They make you leave the theatre humming. I’m a sucker for all those rock operas like Tommy and Hair. I liked Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat too. Also Cats.

I’ve heard you say you believe everything written in the Bible is literally true--everything! In my copy, there’s a handwritten statement on the front leaf. It says, “THIS BOOK IS A METAPHOR. LOOK UP THE WORD ‘METAPHOR,’ SUCKER. --GOD!” I have another confession to make--I stole that Bible out of a motel. Wouldn’t you, if it had an inscription from God in it? Anyway, if I take my Bible literally, then I guess it’s a metaphor. (?)

I just want to say congratulations on your new film. I hope you make lots of money and don’t start too many Holy Wars. I just have one suggestion: Try to keep Our President from seeing it. He kind of gets worked up about these things, and sometimes he gets a little confused. I just think he’s got enough on his mind already without worrying about who killed Jesus. Don’t get him started!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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