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Saturday, July 12, 2003
Attorney General John Ashcroft

U.S. Department of Justice

950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW

Washington, DC 20530-0001



Dear Attorney General Ashcroft,



Will you please tell me what all the fuss is about? Everybody is running around like Henny Penny just because of silly little Patriot II. Don?t they know that to have a democracy, we all have to make sacrifices? If the Attorney General of the United States wants to check the libraries and book stores and internet to see what everybody has read, small price to pay for a free country!



And what do they have to hide anyway? Remember when you asked all those Muslims to ?volunteer? to be interviewed? I think we should all volunteer to tell you what books we have read this year. I?m going to ask all my friends to freely submit their lists to your office. And just to show I?m serious, I?ll go first. Here are the books I have read so far this year:



1. The Hardy Boys, The House on the Cliff by Franklin W. Dixon

2. The Essential Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

3. Sandy Koufax by Jane Leavy

4. *Dr. Tatania?s Sex Advice to All Creation by Olivia Judson

5. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer?s Stone (Book 1) by J.K. Rowling

6. Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss

7. Dr. Atkins? New Carbohydrate Gram Counter-by Robert C. Atkins

8. **Work Under Capitalism by Chris and Charles Tilly

9. **The Paradox of American Democracy by John B. Judis

10. ***Earth in Balance by Al Gore



*Not what you think. It?s about the sex lives of insects, etc. There is some stuff about evolution though--I hope I don?t get in trouble there.



**Given to me and signed by Ralph Nader. I have to admit, I haven?t finished them. They?re pretty heavy reading. (Don?t tell him, though--it might hurt his feelings--I fibbed a little and told him they were real ?page-turners.?)



***I hope I won?t get in trouble for this one. I did learn a lot, even if it was written by you-know-who.



I think you should go a step further. You should ask people to volunteer what TV shows and movies they?ve watched, what CD?s they?ve bought, what web sites they?ve visited, and what radio shows they?ve listened to. They might as well tell you because you?re going to find out anyway. If everybody volunteers, it?ll save a whole lot of time and taxpayer money! It?s the patriotic thing to do! Call it Operation Full Disclosure. Just say they word and I?ll send you my list and ask all my friends to do it too.



Yours in Patriotism,

Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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