Friday, January 09, 2004
Dean For America
P.O. Box 1228
Burlington, Vermont 05402
Dear Howard Dean,
I saw you flipping pancakes the other day. Dude, you rock! You’re the best pancake flipper of anybody running--no doubt! Did you see Clark’s pancakes? Those were some of the most sorry-ass pancakes I’ve ever seen! I said to my girl friend, “That clinches it! I’m tired of presidents that don’t even know how to flip pancakes! I’m voting for Dean!”
Also, I’m voting for you cuz I like your Southern Strategy. Remember when you ditched the Episcopalians because you had a big fight about the bike paths? Shrewd move, dude. Those “guys with the Confederate flags on their pick-up trucks” love that sort of thing! None of those bubbas can read anyway, so they won’t notice that you said the Book of Job was your favorite, but you didn’t know what Testament it was in. Then you clinched the redneck vote when you told ‘em there was a “religious aspect to my support of civil unions” for gays! There ya go! Have you noticed the bags under Bush’s eyes lately? Karl Rove too. That’s cuz they’re both up all night worrying about HOW IN THE WORLD ARE WE GOING TO BEAT HOWARD DEAN?!
Until W shows me he can flip pancakes, you’re my man, dude! I bet you might even get as many votes as Dukakis!