Friday, January 09, 2004
January 10, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
MARS! Now you’ll be sure to get the Trekkie vote! Also the Star Wars vote. The Lord of the Rings block might be a tougher sell, but if you throw in a few free Mars trips and tell them they can watch The Trilogy on the space ship, they’ll all vote for you! Also, by the time The Trilogy is over, they’ll be there!
Did you see those pictures from Mars? They looked a lot like the Mojave Desert. I’m not saying the Mars pictures were actually taken in the Mojave Desert. How would I know? There are so many deserts I haven’t seen. Like the Sahara Desert--I’ve never been there but I’ve seen pictures, and I don’t think it has so many rocks. I think the sand is finer in the Sahara, too.
I know what the liberals are going to say--they’re going to say we’re already 500 billion dollars in debt and this Mars trip is going to cost another 500 billion dollars. They’re going to say our schools are falling apart and our cities are falling apart and Ph.D’s are slinging burgers at Wendy’s and we keep tripping over homeless people. They’re going to say we’ve got a war in Afghanistan and a war in Iraq and a War on Terrorism, and you haven’t even finished your first term yet! Here’s what you say to the liberals:
Then give us another tax cut! When rich people start spending their refunds on Escalades and third homes and off-shore investments, then watch the money roll in! We’ll be able to pay off our 500 billion dollar debt, bankroll our 500 billion dollar trip to Mars, and probably have so much left over we might even be able to pay for some schools!
May the Force be with you!
P.S. If Howard Dean runs, you’d better work on your pancake flipping. Have you seen him? He’s really good! If Clark runs, you’ve got nothing to worry about. His pancakes look exactly like you’d expect from an army general.