Anti George Bush political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Tuesday, January 13, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

Remember when you were Governor of Texas? Remember how you used to give everybody clever and affectionate nicknames? I thought you stopped doing that when you became president, but I guess you’re still at it.

How do you come up with all those nicknames? I heard you started out calling Paul O’Neill (former Treasury Secretary) “Pablo.” I can sort of see that one because his first name is Paul, and “Pablo” means “Paul” in Spanish. But he’s not Hispanic, is he? Maybe that’s why you changed his name to “Big O.” I sort of get that one too, because his last name start’s with an “O.” But, I’ve seen him a lot on TV recently, and he doesn’t look very big to me.

Also, I heard your nickname for Colin Powell (he’s your Secretary of State) is “Balloonfoot.” How did you think of that one? I bet Secretary Powell gets quite a good laugh when you call him “Balloonfoot.”

What are some other nicknames you’ve made up? I thought you could call Rumsfeld: “Soundbite.” Get it? “Soundbite” because he’s always saying great one-liners that get on the news. Like, “Old Europe” and “How many vases are there in Iraq, anyway?” and Pablo had a “total misunderstanding of the situation.”

Could you write me a letter with some of your favorite nicknames? What do you call Condoleezza Rice? What about Cheney? I bet you’ve got a good one for Tony Blair! Also, do your staff or cabinet have a clever and affectionate nickname for you?

Sincerely,
Carl “Pen Pal” Estrada

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