Tuesday, January 13, 2004
January 14, 2004
Advisor to the President
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC 20500
Dear Mr. Rove,
Operation Damage Control is working! You guys are so good! You’ve got Paul O’Neill running away faster than a Taliban leader at a tupperware party!
Step One was to get our President out in front of the situation. The main thing was to make sure he memorized his sentence and didn’t mispronounce too many words. Mission Accomplished!
Step Two was to turn Donald “Soundbite” Rumsfeld lose. He probably didn’t even need to be briefed. He just went out there and winged it and said O’Neill had a “total misunderstanding of the situation.” Boy--that guy’s good!
Step Three was to launch a Treasury investigation on “Pablo.” That’ll shut him up! (“Pablo” is what our President liked to call O’Neill before he called him “Big O.”) “Pablo” is already calling the press coverage a “red meat frenzy” and saying he regrets using such “vivid language.” Did you tell “Pablo” to say that? I know you gave him the line about Bush’s Iraq policy being a “continuation of the Clinton policy.” Rule Number 1: When cornered, blame Clinton!
Anyway, “Pablo” is acting like somebody offered him a one-way ticket to Guantanamo. Keep the pressure on! Keep denying the Iraq charges and saying “Clinton Clinton Clinton” and people will forget what “Pablo” said about the tax cuts and his “vivid language” about how our President was a “blind man in a room full of deaf people.”
Also, I think it’s time we got “Balloonfoot” to make a statement. (“Balloonfoot” is what our President likes to call Colin Powell.)
P.S. What’s your nickname?