Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Friday, January 16, 2004
Alice Thompson
CBN Partner Correspondence
The Christian Broadcasting Network
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, VA 23463

Dear Ms. Thompson,

Thank you for your nice letter explaining the answers to my theological questions. OK--I think I get it now--God doesn’t have to pray because He’s bigger than anybody else, so there’s nobody for Him to pray to and He doesn’t have to ask anybody’s permission for anything, because who’s going to say no to God? It’s kindof like George W. Bush, but on a much bigger scale. Right?

By the way, I don’t want to nit-pick because you’re the one who knows everything about God (well--maybe not everything, but Pat Robertson probably does, and you work for him). Anyway, in your letter you said, “He...knows what is best in a situation because of he is holy and wise.” (Italics mine.) Shouldn’t “he” be capitalized? Shouldn’t you have said, “...because of He is holy and wise”? (Italics mine.) Is it a sin to call God “he” and not “He?” Or maybe it should be “HE.” That looks more all-powerful to me. Maybe it should be HE/SHE, because God is everything, right? I just don’t want you to get in any trouble.

Anyway, you said that President Bush and bin Laden don’t pray to the same god. Yeah, I see your point. Maybe it’s like President Bush’s God (Yaweh) is The King, and bin Laden’s god (Allah) is maybe a mayor or something. Is it like that? Also, you said that the Koran has a bunch of “unbiblical statements about who Jesus is.” You also told me “Islam teaches that Jesus did not die on the cross.” I just think it’s so neat that you’ve studied the Koran! It shows how open-minded you are. Where do you find the time?! I bet Pat Robertson has studied the Koran--he knows a lot about it!

By the way, I heard Pat Robertson’s ex-wife on the radio yesterday. That’s right! Tammy Faye Bakker was on and guess what she said? She said she thinks gay people are sinners but she loves them anyway, and Heavens!--do they love her! It’s kindof like Barbra Streisand--gay people love her too, only she doesn’t think they’re sinners. Is that why Pat Robertson and Tammy Faye broke up--because gay people like her so much? Just wondering.

Thank you for all your help. I know I have a lot of questions, but we need to clear these things up.

Carl Estrada