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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Karl Rove
Advisor to the President
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC 20500

Dear Karl “Boy Genius” Rove,

How’s the Paul O’Neill investigation going? Have you turned up anything on him yet?

Our President “43” wasn’t kidding when he said you’re a genius! Everything you touch turns to gold! Last week, I wrote you a letter about Operation Damage Control, and I had all these ideas for how you could stop the bleeding after “Pablo” betrayed you. But I see now, you were way ahead of me. You just told everybody to ride it out, keep their heads down, and ignore it. Sticks and stones! Then, on Monday we had the Iowa Caucuses and Tuesday we had the State of the Union Speech, and it worked! Everybody’s forgotten that “Pablo” said “43” had his mind made up about Iraq from Day One, and how “43” was disengaged, and how Cheney said it was “our due” to have a tax cut because we won the midterms. Everybody forgot! Water under the bridge! I’m in awe of your foresight! I guess that’s why you're the advisor to the most powerful man on the planet and I run a grocery store.

Speaking of “43” being disengaged: Have you read that book where “Pablo” said all those bad things about “43?” Well, I’m reading it and I’ve got to tell you--there is a whole lot of talk about economic theory and after a while, I’m lost! I can understand why Our President’s eyes glazed over when “Pablo” was talking economic theory to him. If Paul O’Neill was talking economic theory to me, my eyes would glaze over too.

Who do you think the Democratic candidate will be? No offense, but I think you started attacking Dean too early. I know--you couldn’t resist. But you should have saved it til after he got nominated. You should have been talking about how worried you were about what a threat Dean was, and his great organization, and all those “Deaniacs.” But he was such an easy target, you just had to blow him away. If you just could have left Dean alone, you wouldn’t have to worry about a General, a handsome southernor, and a guy who looks like Lincoln! Oh well, even geniuses screw up sometimes.

How did the State of the Union speech go? I couldn’t watch it. I have an exotic affliction that I won’t go into, but certain things on the TV seem to set it off.

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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