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Friday, January 23, 2004
Vice President Dick Cheney
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500
Dear Vice President Cheney,
I was watching the State of the Union speech the other night, and I noticed something funny. Remember how you were sitting in back of Our President? Well, every time Our President lifted his right hand, I saw your right hand go up. When he raised his left hand, your left hand went up. When he’d point, I saw your fingers rub together. Then--and here’s the part I’m not sure of--but I thought I saw some strings going from your hands to different parts of his body. I could be wrong--my screen was a little fuzzy because I have an exotic affliction which causes me to throw things at the TV at odd times. The screen was pretty scuffed up and had some ketchup on it too, but I swear I thought I saw some strings.
Also, when Our President spoke, I’m sure I saw your lips move. And then the light bulb went on: “AH HA!” I said. This explains everything! First, it explains why your mouth is always tilted up to one side. It’s easier to throw your voice without your lips moving when your mouth is tilted up. I tried it. It works! The other thing it explains is why Our President slurs his s’s and why when he says “nuclear,” it comes out “noo-cu-ler.” Remember Senor Wences? He was my favorite ventriloquist ever! Remember when he said, “S’all right?” That guy cracked me up! Anyway, you could always see his lips move, and sometimes he slurred his words too. It can’t be helped! Magic is an illusion.
Anyway, I know “a magician never reveals his tricks,” but I used to have an uncle who always pulled quarters out of my ears and said, “A magician never reveals his tricks,” and he drove me crazy! So can you tell me if I’m on to something? If you don’t want to say it directly, next time you’re on Face the Nation, if the answer is “yes,” just give me a sign by leaning forward, clasping your hands on the table, and talking out of the side of your mouth. Then I’ll know.
Sincerely,
Carl Estrada
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