Anti George Bush political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Sunday, December 28, 2003
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

I hear you’re still eating beef. No offense, but I think this is pretty reckless of you. We still have to invade Syria and Iran and North Korea--we can’t have you coming down with Mad Cow Disease now! I heard you were eating beef right when the doctor told you your knees were going bad. I’m sure there’s no connection, but just in case--has your doctor tested you for MCD?

Have you ever tried soy burgers? They’re pretty good once you get used to them. I had a black bean garden burger the other day. Yum! So good and so good for you. I think you should try them--you can exaggerate the truth and tell everybody it’s beef. You could even do a tv ad for the Beef Industry. Someone could ask you, “Mr. President, where’s the beef?” And you could hold up a burger and try to smile and say, “Right here!” And then you could chomp down on it for everybody to see. (Of course, it would be a soy burger, but who would know?)

I hope you’ll stand tough against testing cows. I mean, what if they tested and found more cases of Mad Cow Disease? It would be bad for the economy and don’t they know this is an election year?! No, I think you took the balanced approach--blame it on the Canadians! Just keep saying there was only one cow with MCD and besides, it came from Canada. No matter how many cows show up with it, just keep saying they’re Canadian cows. That’ll shut those liberals up!

If you insist on continuing to eat beef, I think you should have a “taster” go first. How about Dick Cheney? Ha ha, just kidding. What about Rumsfeld? He’d be perfect--if he came down with Mad Cow Disease, you wouldn’t have to fire him.

309 days til elections!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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