Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Mr. Hank McKinnell, Ph.D.
Chairman of the Board and CEO
235 East 42nd Street
New York, NY 10017
Dear Mr. McKinnell,
Have you noticed anything lately? I have. Here’s what I’ve noticed: There are too many people in this world! There are people everywhere! Go to the market--people! Go to the ball game--people! Go to the top of the Himilayas and you’ll find a parking lot filled with SUV’s driven by: People!
And then today, I read this in Time Magazine: Pfizer sells nine Viagra pills per second. Per second! I did a little math. This means you’re helping 540 couples do what they do on Viagra per minute. That means you’ve got 32,400 couples doing it per day. That means it’s happening 777,600 per month. That means two hundred eighty three million, eight hundred twenty six thousand times a year, couples are doing that thing with the help of your little blue pill.
Mr. McKinnell, has anybody told you how babies are made? I don’t think you’re doing your part to help keep the population down. We’re multiplying like rabbits and there’s a hole in the ozone and the oceans are rising and water is dirty and and the air is polluted and you keep passing out those little blue pills so 576,652,000 people can “do it” (that’s 283,652,000 x 2).
Here’s what you do: For every pill you sell, hand out a condom with it. Say in the instructions that Viagra will only work if taken while using a condom. That way every guy will be sure to use it. There are just too many people making babies in this world, and I want some peace and quiet!