Ex-President TRUMP

The Mar-a-Lago Club

1100 South Ocean Boulevard,

Palm Beach, Florida 33480

Dear Mr. Ex-President TRUMP,

I want to be the first to congratulate you on your stunning knockout of Kamala in the Tuesday debate!  You crushed her!  You left her in a sputtering, stumbling, screaming heap of confusion and humiliation!  By the end, all she could do was to yell a bunch of insults and kindergarten names!  The more she came unhinged, the more presidential you looked.  

It’s like I told my wife Viola, “Ex-President TRUMP says Kamala is ‘dumb!’  He calls her ‘nasty!’  But she’s worse than that!  She said things only a psychopath would say!  Did you hear what she said about the Haitians?  She said:

" ‘They're eating the dogs! The people that came in. They're eating the cats! They're eating, they're eating the pets of the people that live there.’ ”

Viola said, “Carl, I hate to break the news, but Kamala didn’t say that.  That was your hero, the Orange Hulk, who said it.”

Of course I didn’t believe her. I explained that YOU would never say anything as unhinged as the Haitians are eating our pets.   But then she rewound the tape and there it was!   You DID say that!  

At first, I thought it was the classic trap that JD set for you when he spread the rumor about Haitians eating pets.  I thought JD must have tricked you into repeating it to make you look stupid so HE could become president.

Or maybe you were remembering a hallucination you had after your second bucket of KFC while you were rage-tweeting in your underwear at 3:00 in the morning!  

But I played the tape a little further, and here’s the important part Viola left out.  You also said:

“I’ve seen people on television … the people on television claimed my dog was taken and used for food.” 

That’s why you’re the ex-President of the United States and I’m just a neighborhood grocer!  The Haitians really are eating our pets!  You had verifiable evidence!  You saw it on TELEVISION!

I told Viola we’d better keep Homer and Fluffly locked in the house for a while.  And I warned her to keep her eyes open for suspicious looking Haitians.  

That’s when Viola said, “The only person I worry about eating Homer and Fluffy is RFK Jr.  He might be lurking around the neighborhood right now.”

Sometimes Viola gets emotional and says things that don’t make any sense.  I decided to move on.  

“Kamala’s not only a ‘Marxist!’  I said.  “She’s not only a ‘Commie!’  She’s a traitor!” 

Viola gave me what I call “The Kamala Look.”  It’s the one where she raises her eyebrows in pretend amazement, half-smiles like she’s thinking of an amusing joke, rests her chin on her hands, and gives you “The Kamala Look” that says: “Oh really?  Go on…”

So I let it fly!  “Kamala is a traitor,” I explained, “She cozies up to dictators!  I will quote word-for-word what Kamala said in the debate:

“ ‘Let me just say about world leaders, Viktor Orbán, one of the most respected men, they call him a strong man. He's a tough person. Smart prime minister of Hungary.’ “

“Carl, Carl, Carl,” said Viola.  “Kamala never praised Viktor Orbán!  That was the Lyin’ King who said that!”  

Of course, I knew Viola was wrong.  I explained to her that YOU would never support a brutal dictator who discriminates against LGBTQ+ and immigrants, cracks down on the press and judiciary, and is good buddies with Putin.

Viola gave me “The Kamala Look” again.  It’s the look a teacher gives a 1st grader when he tells her the dog ate his homework.  It’s the look Kamala gave you when you said, “I have nothing to do with Project 2025.”

Viola rewound the tape.

And guess what?  You DID say those things about Orbán.  But as usual, Viola conveniently left out the most important part.  Because after you talked about what a great leader Orbán is, you said this:

“They said, Why is the whole world blowing up?  He (Orbán) said, ‘Because you need Trump back as president. They were afraid of him. China was afraid.’ And I don't like to use the word afraid, but I'm just quoting him. 'China was afraid of him. North Korea was afraid of him.' Look at what's going on with North Korea, by the way. He said 'Russia was afraid of him.’ ” 

“You see?” I said.  “Everybody is afraid of ex-President TRUMP!   

“Everybody except Kamala,” said Viola.

I could see Viola was in one of her moods.  So I tried to reason with her.  

“Not only do Democrats let Haitians eat their pets, they want to execute babies!”  I said. 

Viola gave me The Kamala Look.  It’s the look a mother gives her teenage son when she finds a joint in his room.  It’s the same look Kamala gave you when you said about January 6: “I had nothing to do with that other than make a speech.”

“Go on…” said Viola.

I explained to Viola that your argument was air tight.  I quoted you when you said:

“You can look at the governor of West Virginia, the previous governor of West Virginia.  He said ‘the baby will be born, and we will decide what to do with the baby.’  In other words, we’ll execute the baby.’ ”

But Viola reminded me that Linsey Davis’ fact checked you:  “There is no state in this country where it is legal to kill a baby after it’s born.”

“Answer me this,” I countered.  “Why is it okay for Linsey Davis to fact check ex-President TRUMP, but she never fact checked Kamala?”

“I dunno,” said Viola.  “Maybe it’s because Kamala told the truth most of the time and Donald Yuck told more lies than there are stars in the sky!” 

“That’s no reason to keep fact checking him!” I said.  “It’s like my ex-president said:  It was an ‘unfair debate!'  It was a ‘rigged deal.  It was three on one!’ 

“Besides,” I explained to Viola, “Why didn’t they fact check Kamala when she said this:

" “I’m gonna invite you to attend one of Donald Trump’s rallies because it’s a really interesting thing to watch... He talks about fictional characters like Hannibal Lecter. He will talk about windmills cause cancer.  And what you will also notice is people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom. And I will tell you the one thing you will not hear him talk about, is you.’ “

“They didn’t need to fact check,” said Viola.  “King Con did his own fact checking:

“ ‘First let me respond as to the rallies. She said people start leaving. People don't go to her rallies. There's no reason to go. And the people that do go, she's busing them in and paying them to be there. And then showing them in a different light. So, she can't talk about that. People don't leave my rallies. We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in the history of politics. That's because people want to take their country back. Our country is being lost. We're a failing nation.” 

“ By the way,” Viola continued, “this was in response to David Muir’s question:  “Why did you try to kill that bill and successfully so? That would have put thousands of additional agents and officers on the border.’ 

“Don’t you see?” Viola was almost hysterical.  “If Kamala Harris had said ANY ONE THING that Donald Chump said every time he opened his mouth, they would have hauled her away in a straight jacket!”

“And they should haul her away in a straight jacket!” I replied.  “When Kamala said: ‘The people on television say my dog was taken and used for food. So maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.  But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went there…’ 

“…she was obviously deranged.”

Viola gave me The Kamala Look.  The same look a childless cat lady gives her cat when he pees on the rug.  It was the same look Kamala gave YOU when you said, “I have concepts of a plan.”

But this time Viola didn’t say, “Go on…”   She just said, “I rest my case.”

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

P.S.  Don’t worry about Taylor Swift endorsing Kamala.  I’d put your celebrity list against Kamala’s any day!  Here are some of Kamala’s celebrity endorsements:  

Taylor Swift, George Clooney, Olivia Rodrigo, Barbra Streisand, John Legend, Spike Lee, Aaron Sorkin, Ken Burns, Mark Hamill, Rosie O’Donnell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Robert DeNiro, Charli XCX, Ben Stiller, Nick Offerman, Kathy Griffin, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Jimmy Carter, Mark Cuban, Alberto Gonzalez, Dick and Liz Cheney

Here are yours:

Kid Rock, Jon Voight, Hulk Hogan, Scott Baio, Elon Musk, Rosanne Barr, 50 Cent

P.P.S.  Did you see that Marjorie Taylor Greene called out your new friend, Laura Loomer, for making racist comments?  Here’s what MTG said:

“This is appalling and extremely racist.  It does not represent who we are as Republicans or MAGA. This does not represent President Trump. This type of behavior should not be tolerated ever.”

Wow!  That’s like George Santos saying, “Damn!  That guy’s a really big liar!”

That’s like Mick Jagger saying, “Damn!  That guy has really big lips!”

That’s like Marjorie Taylor Greene saying, “Damn!  That gal’s really a racist!”

Oh.  Right.  That IS what she said.

P.P.P.S.  Please ask Laura Loomer to send an autographed photo.  Tell her to make it out to my grandson Lester.  She’s his favorite friend of yours.  He likes her even better than Melania.