Ralph F. Kennedy, Jr.

P.O. Box 982

New York, NY 10272

Dear Ralph—whoops!—I mean Bobby,

Sorry!  I do that every time!  I keep confusing you with Ralph Nader.  I don’t have any idea why.  I don’t think you look much like him—although I guess you do both have that “America-is-burning-get-me-my-blowtorch-I-have-to-save-it!” look in your eyes.

Remember Ralph Nader?  He single-handedly saved America!  Well, he did get some help from the Supreme Court, but if he hadn’t run for president, the Supreme Court never would have had a chance to give the presidency to MY President, George W. Bush—the Greatest Of All Time (GOAT).  We would have been stuck with President Gore, and then where would we be? 

I know, I know.  You’re saying, “But Carl, this situation is totally different!  Ralph Nader was a crank who you can blame for excessive government regulation of the auto industry, nuclear safety, meat processing, and insecticides.  It’s his fault that you have to wear seat belts!  I, as President of the United States, will bring about reasonable reforms based on my findings that vaccines might cause autism, anti-depressants might cause school shootings, certain herbicides might cause kids to identify as transgender, and WiFi radiation causes cancer.”

And I say to you, Ralph F. Kennedy, Jr…

“Also, Dr. Fauci was part of a ‘historic coup d’etat against Western democracy.’ “

I know, I know.  But my point is…

“I can guarantee you,… I could prove that my uncle’s death was caused by the C.I.A. ”

Ralph, can you let me get a work in edgewise…

“There are much better candidates than HIV for what causes AIDS.”

Ralph!  Ralph!  Listen to me!  I know all that!  You don’t have to convince me!  Whenever I’m out walking and I see a stranger with a baby, I tell them, “Don’t vaccinate that baby!”  I’ve been doing that ever since I heard you say:

“If you’re one of 10 people that goes up to a guy, a man or a woman, who’s carrying a baby, and says, ‘Don’t vaccinate that baby,’ when they hear that from 10 people, it’ll make an impression on ‘em, you know. And we all kept our mouth shut. Don’t keep your mouth shut anymore. Confront everybody on it.”

My point is—jeez!  What was my point?  You’re talking so much I lost my train of thought.  Oh yeah, right!  My point is, you’re a true hero, Ralph N. Kennedy, Jr.!  And here’s why:  We need President TRUMP more than ever!  He’s the second-best president of all-time!  As I said, George W. Bush was the greatest.  That’s because he got rid of the evil dictator, Saddam Hussein, because Bin Laden attacked us on 9/11.

TRUMP never would have gotten rid of Saddam Hussein.  He would have made him his Secretary of Defense.  

As you know, the margin in this election is razor-thin, as the talking heads like to say.  The whole outcome could hinge on whether Biden trips on the stairs or if TRUMP’s running mate shoots a puppy.  That’s why we need you!  If you can siphon off just a few thousand Biden votes, America will have the president we deserve!  And then we won’t have to worry about elections anymore!

Keep pounding those talking points:

“RFK will end the forever wars.”

Check.

“Clean up government.”

Check.

“Increase wealth for all.”

Check.

“Tell Americans the truth.”

Check.

“Covid 19 is targeted to attack Caucasians and Black people, and the people who are most immune are Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese.”

Check.

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

P.S.  Speaking of running mates, who the heck is Nicole Shanahan?  I know she contributed $4 million to your Super Bowl ad.  I know she leads a foundation that donates lots of money toward health and justice causes.  I know she’s interested in reproductive senescence, regenerative agriculture and gut biomes.  I know she’s suffered “significant health issues” since receiving the Covid vaccine.  I know she’s young.  I know she’s pretty.  I know she enjoys “yoga, paddle boarding, snowboarding, swimming, running, cooking, meditation and kite boarding.”  I know she’s not Aaron Rodgers.

P.P.S.  With qualifications like that, she’s the one who should be running for president!  You could be her running mate!

P.P.P.S.  Please send an autographed photo.  Make it out to my grandson, Lester.  You’re his favorite independent candidate of all-time!  He likes you even better than Marianne Williamson!