Justice Clarence Thomas
Supreme Court Building
One First Street, NE
Washington DC 20543
Dear Justice Thomas,
I’m in the market for a motorhome. I wonder if you’d like to sell me yours?
My wife Viola and I really like traveling around the country, camping in RV parks and Walmart parking lots. Just like you! I found this out when I saw your documentary, “Created Equal,” that was funded by your “dear friend,” billionaire Harlan Crow. Here's what you said in the documentary:
"I don't have any problem with going to Europe, but I prefer the United States, and I prefer seeing the regular parts of the United States. I prefer the RV parks. I prefer the Walmart parking lots to the beaches and things like that. There's something normal to me about it. I come from regular stock, and I prefer that — I prefer being around that."
But now it seems you won’t be needing your motorhome anymore. That’s because the radical-left woke media tells us you’ve been getting all those free trips to Indonesia and New Zealand and the Greek Islands on Harlan Crow’s luxury yacht. He’s been wining and dining you on caviar and thousand dollar bottles of wine.
I guess you don’t have time to be parking your motorhome at Walmart anymore. How much do you want for it?
Another reason you don’t need the motorhome is because of that 1990 Corvette you drive. With its 420 horsepower engine, you can get to Walmart much faster now.
I saw that your Corvette license plates say, “Res Ipsa.” Translate from Latin: “It speaks for itself.” Isn’t that the truth?! There’s nothing that says “flannel shirt-wearin’, Budweiser-drinkin’, salt-of-the-earth, regular stock everyman” like a 1990 ‘vette with a Latin motto on the license plates!
But back to the motorhome: Do you own it outright or are you borrowing it from Harlan Crow? Between your $285 thousand annual salary and the $500 thousand he donated to Liberty Central-your wife Ginni’s group—I bet you could afford to buy it yourself.
But if Harlan Crow owns you—whoops—I meant if he owns the motorhome, I guess I’ll have to negotiate with him. Do you have his number? I’d like to go to his house and offer him a deal. I’m a great art lover so it will be exciting to see his artwork. I can’t wait to see that painting of you smoking cigars with Federalist Society leader Leonard Leo, Harlan Crow, and those two conservative operatives.
By the way—What kind of cigar were you smoking in that painting? I bet you didn't buy it at Walmart!
I hear Harlan Crow’s got a collection of statues of great dictators like Lenin and Ceausescu and Tito. He’s even got paintings by Hitler himself! Do you think if I offer him a really good price on the motorhome he’d throw in his signed copy of Mein Kampf?
Of course the woke mob is whining that you should have reported all those trips your “dear friend” treated you to. They’re even complaining that you didn’t report your vacation at the exclusive all-male California retreat called “Bohemian Grove,” or your annual stay at Harlan Crow’s private lakeside resort in the Adirondacks—you know—the one with the artificial waterfall, 25 fireplaces, three boathouses, and the life-size replica of Hagrid’s hut from Harry Potter.
They’re piling on by asking why you were the only dissenting vote in the Supreme Court’s 8-1 decision to make President TRUMP turn over messages to the January 6 Committee. You know—the case they say you should have recused yourself from because your wife Ginny was trying to help overthrow the election.
Those same left-wing extremists are pushing for ethics laws that would hold Supreme Court justices to the same transparency standards as every other elected official in the country. They’re only doing this because you never met a civil rights law that you liked, and you never met a corporate lobbyist who you didn’t like.
This is outrageous! This is a high tech lynching!
Speaking of high tech lynching: Remember the first “high tech lynching” ? That was when Anita Hill testified that “Judge Thomas began to use work situations to discuss sex.” She claims you had an unconventional flirting style which involved talking about pubic hair on Coke cans and comparing yourself to a porn star named “Long Dong Silver.”
That’s so 1991! Anita Hill can’t touch you now! (She wouldn’t touch you then, so she probably wouldn’t touch you now anyway.)
But this is a new high tech lynching! Keep fighting! Don’t give up! If the radical left wants to make you report your millions of dollars in gifts, they can take it all the way to the Supreme Court!
Then you can be the judge.
P.S. Did you know Biden has a Corvette too? Maybe you two can have a race. The Supreme Court can referee. You’ll win 6-3!
P.P.S. Speaking of Long Dong Silver, do you think Stormy Daniels and President TRUMP will wind up at the Supreme Court? If they do, you’ll have to watch her movies to rule on the case. That is, if you haven’t already seen them.
P.P.S. Please send an autographed picture. Make it out to my grandson Lester. You’re his favorite Supreme Court Justice. He likes you even better than Brett Kavanaugh!