Mr. Cameron Sexton
Tennessee House Speaker
425 Rep. John Lewis Way N.
Suite 600 Cordell Hull Bldg.
Nashville, TN 37243
Dear Mr. Sexton,
Would you happen to know where I can find 72 Ku Klux Klan robes?
The reason I ask is I’m a member of the Post-Civil War Re-Enactment League. We re-enact famous scenes from post-Civil War (if you haven’t heard of the Civil War, that’s the War of Northern Aggression).
We break down our re-enactments to three eras: The Reconstruction Era, the Civil Rights Era, and the TRUMP Cult Era.
We’ve re-enacted the Bloody Sunday March on Edmund Pettus Bridge: 1966. We’ve re-enacted the famous Greensboro, North Carolina Lunch Counter Sit-In: 1960. We’ve re-enacted a scene from the Reconstruction Era when slave owners were granted reparations and former slaves were given 40 acres and a mule.
And now we have a new Post-Civil War scene that we’re anxious to re-enact. It’s the historic Tennessee Legislature: 2023 scene where 72 Tennessee Republican lawmakers heroically voted to expel two uppity young black lawmakers because they so rudely violated decorum and shouted into a bullhorn that they wanted to stop kids from being shot.
We at the Post-Civil War Re-Enactment League sometimes take artistic liberties for dramatic effect. For example, we know that the Tennessee Seventy-Two who voted to expel Justin Pearson and Justin Jones didn’t actually wear your KKK robes during the event. But logistically, it would be difficult to re-enact the expulsion scene and then do a quick wardrobe change to depict your rally that night. Also, to be honest, having you wear your robes during the House hearing helps advance the storyline.
We’re excited to re-enact the part where the Tennessee Seventy-Two expels two black men but doesn’t expel the white woman for the same offense. We’ve got the perfect actress to play Gloria Johnson. She looks just like her! She’s been practicing her lines and she crushes it! Her best moment is when she says:
“We called for you all to ban assault weapons, and you respond with an assault on democracy.”
Whoops! That wasn’t Gloria Johnson. That was Justin Jones. Here’s what Gloria Johnson said about why she survived the expulsion and the two Justins didn’t:
“I think it is pretty clear. I am a 60-year-old White woman, and they are two young Black men.”
Speaking of the two Justins, I saw that when you put their names up on the scoreboard, you got Justin Pearson mixed-up with Justin Jones. That’s an understandable mistake! I don’t know how we’re supposed to keep them straight when they’re both named Justin! I get Justin Bieber and Justin Trudeau mixed up all the time!
Also, one’s got an Afro and the other one has straight hair tied back, but somehow—and I can’t put my finger on it—they both look sort of the same.
1) In what state was the Ku Klux Klan born?
C) Puerto Rico
2. Who was Nathan Bedford Forrest?
A) Confederate general
B) Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard
C) Has a “Day” commemorating him
D) Has his own statue in Memphis
E) All of the above
3) What offense were Justin Jones and Justin Pearson expelled for?
A) “Disorderly behavior” in leading gun reform chants on the chamber floor
B) Inappropriate sexual misconduct with at least 22 women
C) Soliciting a bribe to influence legislation
D) Trying to prevent Tennessee from providing citizenship to former slaves
4. What offenses have past Tennessee legislators been expelled for?
A) Inappropriate sexual misconduct with at least 22 women
B) Soliciting a bribe to influence legislation
C) Trying to prevent Tennessee from providing citizenship to former slaves
D) All of the above
Back to our Tennessee Legislature: 2023 re-enactment. We’re going to take another artistic liberty by depicting NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre giving the invocation prayer at the beginning of the proceedings. While factually inaccurate, we think he’ll help move the storyline along. He wasn’t actually there in body, but he was there in spirit.
Wayne LaPierre’s symbolic appearance will underscore the Tennessee Seventy-Two’s deep commitment to the “life of a child.” Not only did you outlaw abortion (including in the case of rape or incest), but anyone in Tennessee can carry a gun openly or concealed, guaranteeing our God-given right to shoot a mass murderer after he’s killed a bunch of children at an elementary school!
Don’t forget to send me those 72 Klan robes. We’ll be sure to invite you to our re-enactment. We’ll invite the two Justins too. If we can ever figure out which one is which.
P.S. Along with the 72 Klan robes, please send an autographed picture. Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite Tennessee dignitary. He likes you even better than Nathan Bedford Forrest!