Joel Pepin, Superintendant
Rejoice Christian School
10701 N. 129th E. Ave
Owasso, OK 74055
Dear Mr. Pepin,
I want to be the first to congratulate you on kicking out that 8-year-old student and her 5-year-old brother because she told a female classmate that she had a “crush” on her.
In this sinful world, we Christians have to take a stand! In all situations, there is only one question we should ask and here it is:
What would Jesus do?
And in the case of 8-year-old Chloe Shelton telling another girl she has a crush on her, Jesus’ answer is clear:
Kick her the hell out!
And kick out her 5-year-old brother too!
It’s like the motto on your web site says:
“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden. – Matthew 5:14”
That Matthew knew what he was talking about. We are the light of the world! That’s why we can’t have 8-year-old girls snuffing out that light by having crushes on other 8-year-old girls! And if she has a crush on a girl from the city on the hill, throw her off the hill!
And throw her brother off the hill too!
And while we’re at it, we’d better throw the girl she has a crush on off the hill too. She’s a temptress who must have done something to lure little Chloe to take a bite of the apple!
I have a theological question for you:
Do you think God still loves Chloe?
The reason I ask is that’s what Chloe asked while she was crying because she’d been kicked out of your school. Here’s what she asked her mother:
“Does God still love me?”
I think it’s a toss-up. On one hand, you’ve got Jesus who said:
“Nothing you confess could make me love you less.”
But on the other hand, little Chloe never did confess, did she? I guess you could say she confessed to her 8-year-old friend, but I don’t think that counts. She should confess to her priest or her pastor. Who knows? Maybe they’ll confess that they have a crush on her too!
I have another question:
I’m looking for a good, wholesome Christian education for my 5-year-old grandson, Reggie. He’s a good boy and I think he’d fit right in at Rejoice Christian School. As far as I know, he doesn’t have any crushes on anybody. He just likes to play video games. He’s really gifted in that way. I think he’s made it to Level 6 of Mortal Kombat.
I have one favor to ask you: When you respond to this letter, please don’t put Rejoice Christian School on the return address. Just say RCS. The reason is, I don’t want my wife Viola to see it. Viola is more into the Unitarian sort of Jesus. You know the type: “Love thy neighbor,” and “Blessed are the meek,” and “Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
You know—all that softie, feel-good stuff. Viola’s Jesus probably wouldn’t even kick an 8-year-old girl out of school for having a crush on another girl!
Or her 5-year-old brother.
Another problem with Viola is she’d probably tell Reggie’s mother, our daughter Bunny. And Bunny would tell her wife, Barbara. If Bunny and Barbara found out I was writing you this, they probably wouldn’t even come for Easter Sunday.
By the way, they probably won’t come anyway because I refuse to wear a mask. You guys don’t wear masks, do you?
P.S. Please send an autographed picture to my oldest grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite school superintendent. He likes you even better than Jerry Falwell Jr.
P.P.S. Did you see Jerry Falwell Jr. is suing Liberty University for firing him as president because he paid his pool attendant to have sex with his wife while he watched? I don’t know what Liberty University’s problem is. It’s not like Falwell did something really horrible like being an 8-year-old girl who had a crush on another girl!