Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Sunday, December 28, 2003
Reverend Billy Graham
Billy Graham Evangelistic Association
P.O. Box 1270
Charlotte, NC 28201-1270

Dear Reverend Graham,

My prayers have been answered! You sent me the 2004 Billy Graham calendar I asked for! And just in time too! In a few days, it will be 2004, so your calendar made it under the wire. Now I won’t have to put up the Britney Spears calendar I got for Christmas--I can have 12 full months of Billy Graham to look at. I believe in miracles!

I see that most of the pictures in the calendar were taken at a football stadium. Who was playing? Did you do the half time show? I think you ought to try to get booked for the Super Bowl half time show. You wouldn’t believe the millions of dollars companies spend advertising on the Super B0wl. It would be really good exposure for you--the whole world would be watching! You just have to think big!

Who’s your favorite team? Mine is the Los Angeles Rams. I know they’re the St. Louis Rams now, but I have trouble even saying that. To me, they‘ll always be the LA Rams. Remember Roman Gabriel and Merlin Olson and David (Deacon) Jones? Now there was a football team! They never won a championship, but they sure tried hard. Those were the days when they played real football on real grass! No artificial turf for real players! Remember Dick Butkus? I think he wouldn’t have blown out his knees if he didn’t have to play on artificial turf. Maybe you should say you’ll only preach on natural grass. It might make them think twice. (Also, during baseball season, maybe you should only preach in National League parks until the American League gets rid of the Designated Hitter rule.)

You know what my pet peeve is? When people pray to God for trivial things. God’s got his hands full and he doesn’t have time to worry about if somebody’s daughter wins a ribbon at County Fair or if Joe Sixpack wins the lottery. These football players are always saying, “I prayed to the Lord that I’d score a touchdown, and He answered my prayers.” Well, what if the running back prays for a touchdown but the linebacker prays that he’ll stop him? Then God’s got to make a really quick decision, which I guess He can do because He’s God--but it kindof puts Him in an awkward position.

I just think people ought to save their prayers for important things like praying for a Billy Graham calendar or praying that the Rams don’t move to St. Louis.

Thanks for the calendar. I’m thrilled!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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