Ms. Betsy DeVos

Dick and Betsy DeVos Family Foundation
P.O. Box 230257
Grand Rapids, MI 49523

Dear Ms. DeVos,

Let me be the first to say:  Congratulations!

First billionaire Secretary of Education!

First Secretary of Education to never attend public school!

First Secretary of Education to overcome the debilitating handicap of no education degree!

First Secretary of Anything to be honored by a vote from the Vice President!

Congratulations on going through those brutal confirmation hearings where you had to answer questions from each senator for 5 minutes!  I apologize for not coaching you through the process, but I’ve been so busy advising our new president, I just haven’t had the time. 

Talk about a learning curve!

But you pulled yourself up by your Gucci bootstraps and made it on your own!  Now that you are Secretary of Education, let’s find out what you’ve learned from your confirmation hearings.

POP QUIZ:

Question:  What famous leader said this:

"Every child deserves to attend school in a safe, supportive environment where they can learn, thrive, and grow."

Answer:  If you said, “Obama,” that’s WRONG!  It was you! 

I know, I know.  You’re saying, “Carl, stop with the gottcha questions!”  And I say to you, Madame Secretary, if you’re going to be in charge of defunding public schools so Christian charter schools can have more money, you have to be on your game!  Study up!  This is what Obama said:

"Every child deserves to attend school in a safe, supportive environment that allows them to thrive and grow."

(Bold letters mine.)

You see?  Obama just wants children to go to public schools so they can “thrive and grow.”  You, on the other hand, want children to go to bible school where they can “learn, thrive, and grow.”

(Bold letters mine.)

That’s the difference between you and Obama!  He went to public school so he never learned how to do proper research.  You, on the other hand, got your degree in business and political science, so you learned to do your homework!  Like when you googled the Department of Education website and said:

"Opening a complaint for investigation in no way implies that the Office for Civil Rights (OCR) has made a determination about the merits of the complaint."

The Department of Education couldn’t have said it better themselves!

Question:  What is the difference between “proficiency” and “growth”?

Answer:  I think that is a matter that should be left up to the states.  (Smile.)

Question:  Is it true your family foundation donated $5 million to Focus on Family, the anti-LGBT organization that Southern Poverty Law Center designated a “hate group”?

Answer:  I think that is a matter that should be left up to the states.  (Smile.)

Question:  In light of your position that schools should be allowed to keep guns to protect them from grizzly bears, do you think grizzly bears should also be allowed to carry guns under the Equal Protection clause in the Constitution?

Answer:  I think that is a matter that should be left up to the states.  (Smile.)

Notice I coached you to smile during your answers.  Watch Kellyanne Conway.  She’s the master!  She can plaster a grin on her face faster than you can say, “Bowling Green Massacre!”

(Just please talk a little slower than Kellyanne.  She's driving  everybody crazy!) 

Don’t pay attention to Tillerson, Price, Mnuchin, or any of those guys.  They never smile!  But they’re men so they don’t have to.  You’re a woman. 

Smile!

Question:  Is Blackwater one word or two?

Answer:  My Word spell check says it’s two words, but my google machine says it’s only one.  Blackwater (one word) is the company that was formed by your brother, Eric Prince.  Here’s what my google machine says about Blackwater (one word):

“(Blackwater) received widespread notoriety in 2007, when a group of its employees killed 17 Iraqi civilians and injured 20 in Nisour Square, Baghdad for which four guards were convicted in a U.S. court.”

Who would have thought when your brother was running a private contracting outfit in Iraq that just 10 years later, you’d be running a private contracting outfit in the Education Department?!  What goes around comes around! 

Back to my question about proficiency vs. growth.  Al Franken believes more in growth than proficiency.  He thinks it’s more important to measure how much a student improves rather than how high they score in the first place.  That’s why he did you a big favor when he said:

"It's not a job for amateurs who don't know the first thing about education.  I voted against the nomination of Betsy DeVos, a billionaire Republican donor, because she is the most incompetent cabinet-level nominee I have ever seen."

You see?  There’s only one way to go from here and that’s up!

Smile!

Sincerely,                                                                                                               Carl Estrada

P.S.  Please send me a photo of yourself.  Autographed.  Make it out to my grandson, Lester.  You’re his favorite cabinet secretary.  He likes you even better than Rick Perry!